K25

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K25, a fanzine for PIECES OF EIGHT, May '92, from A. Vincent Clarke, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN. We are turning out so many illiterates that we will need books that read themselves to people. (Ben Bova, Con speech, '90)

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UPDATE

Nothing much seems to have happened, but the month went past zip! leaving me spinning in it's wake. I didn't go to the Con (economics + a mounting distaste for travel), nor to meet the TAFF winner (tho' she did phone me). Consoled most of my friends and relatives over the election result, tho' with the inner thought that if Labour were so ham-handed as to lose after 13 years ......

Renewed acquaintance with Nigel Rowe, New Zealand fan and computer buff, who's revisiting here. And there lies a cheerful anecdote. Three days after arriving Nigel went down Charing Cross Road, asking bookshops if they needed an assistant. This should have led to instant disappointment. Most bookshops are fighting away hordes of book-lovers who'd love to work in a bookshop, altho' the wages are miniscule.

Nigel wandered into MURDER ONE, a newish crime/sf bookshop. "Oh, you've come because of the card in the window" they said. Nigel hastily agreed, tho' he hadn't seen the card. It had gone in that morning, advertising a vacancy. Nigel, who used to own an sf bookshop in New Zealand, got the job, expects to help them set up a new computing system too.

The video went wrong (again) which was a blessing in disguise, as it enabled me further to break free from it's spell. During the first couple of years I owned it I found myself taping more and more pieces which I couldn't watch first-hand for one reason or another, and it was becoming absurd – all my waking hours would have been occupied with catching up.

Those marvellous warm Spring days, when one could do a bit of gardening and see the worms sun-bathing, remain in the memory – nowadays I sit here with a gas-fire on and wearing a thick sweater..... Well, times do change, as does one's physiology. What I've been doing most of is, in fact, to start to sort out about a thousand fanzines which have accumulated over some months and stick them in the Library/collection. Which brings ever nearer the day when I start to list nearly 7000 fanzines for the convenience of possible borrowers. Which in turn raises questions of how much description I should give of the contents of each zine. Say I allocate 20 A4 pages to the job; that's 350 zines to the page, 175 to a column if I double-column it. Seems a lot.

Anyway, I'm steadily accumulating a stack of duplicate fanzines, mostly '80s vintage (several fans pass their incoming fnz on rather than collect them), and if anyone has special wants let me know before the stuff goes to auction/fan-room giveaway.

BOOK REVIEW (of sorts)

THE BROOCH OF AZURE MIDNIGHT – Anne Gay (Orbit '91)

A few months ago I passed a few cautiously-admiring words about this new British author's first book, Mindsail. Now I've tried her second, and found it unreadable. From page 6 I take a paragraph:

The tower in Jezrael's hair started to catch messages. Jezrael began to see them as they came through the antenna, plunged down the connection from helmet to tower to the optic centres of her brain. They filtered through her synapses as though they were some addition to the visible spectrum of electro-magnetic radiation: or – she saw them interpreted as blue.

A few lines further on she talks of something feeling 'light-years older'.

I think Ms. Gay has tried to invent a new literary form, 'neo-cyber-punk sf'. And although I wouldn't be influenced by a jacket artist who depicts a turbo-jet in space, there's that too. Page 7 was as far as I got.

CATCHUP

Last 'K' I ran out of space before I could comment on a couple of zines from the March mailing, so:

LETTER FROM SARAH COX – March mailing

Again, marvellous stuff. There's thousands who'd give a lot to match the flow. The remedial classes sound, frankly, terrifying, tho' your feelings about the Mother worrying about the child's illiteracy sound a bit misplaced – I can't imagine circumstances where a normal parent wouldn't strive to teach it's child the rudiments of the 'three r's' before they even started school.

Tho' of course mistakes can also play a part – apparently Dave Langford (pro-author, computer specialist, and FAN) was classed as backwards until he was nine years old and they discovered hearing problems.

Again, marvellous stuff on the broken arm. You can't stop children falling over – you were just unlucky. But nice to have details of what a broken arm looks like – this is the sort of thing first-aid books leave out. Hope everything is OK by now.

Interesting about the Sign Language Course. One of my best friends, Chuch Harris, is completely deaf (as you may know), but he was so deeply into reading and writing that he never really felt the imperative to learn Sign. He also has a marvellous wife, Sue, who he can lip-read. It so happens that he went to live far away from other fans, so in a way dispersing the idea that a group of his friends should learn Sign. Tho' there are vast differences between the old days and now in Sign. When Avedon Carol came from the States to live here it turned out that she knew American Sign (as mentioned indeed by JDR in April) but this is different – Avedon reckons superior – to the British version.

The March STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE – Theo Ross

"Theo's Muse was over-bland,
"But now it's feeling tinglish,
"The rhyme required was not the land,
"Not 'England' but the 'English'.

Well, I didn't think much (sniff) of your metre either.

As for the federalisation of Co. Durham, etc., it might be amusing (Eunice for Post-Mistress General!), but it seems to me that to say parts of England are 'too far' from London is stretching things a little. (ho ho). I remember (said he, dropping into reminiscient mood for the first time this issue) going to Croydon Aerodrome (not Airport) before the War and seeing a trickle of well-heeled people walk out and board Imperial Airways aeroplanes. Monsters, those planes were, taking 20 or 30 passengers to such far-away places as Paris and beyond. Also, incidentally, some classics enthusiast had named individual 'planes after personages starting with the letter 'H', so you had the Hannibal and the Hercules and the Hermes and so on.

Last month I was at Gatwick, and there were thousands of people there, with another hundred or so arriving every few minutes, and outgoing passengers queuing to pass through Customs. And also the chilling 'brings-it-all-home-to-you' officials talking to each individual passenger about the dangers of looking after a bag for a stranger.

World's growing smaller every day, sez he, wondering, and you're trying to increase the sub-divisions?

RYCT JDR – you can also borrow back issues of MATRIX (or copiered copies of relevant pages) from yours truly. RYCT me – I did buy 3 or 4 spare copies of DIY BRAIN SURGERY but they've been dispersed for many a year – I remember Ted White in the States had one – but will keep you (and others) in mind should I ever see any.

Same guy also did KOOK'S TOURS, which relied heavily on faked photos and although much in the same vein as DIY BS (From 'Sir Jasper Medieval Joustabout' – Have a go at our Select-a-Quest Lucky Dip and win a lady's favour. Fight small dragons (well, lizards actually). Climb up ladies pigtails or do battle with Unknown Knights. For the latter, clients can choose from three different sizes: standard, small or tiny) it's a lot cruder – clever rather than funny.

RYCT Eunice – have now found Ken Cheslin's fanzine of Elephant jokes (well, it's the B'ham SF Groups actually, but the shadow of KC looms large), and if I ever get time will copier it for PoE.

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COMMENTS ON APRIL MAILING

THROUGH THE SPEAKING TRUMPET – Capn'n

Smooth as usual, and again a stab of jealousy at those different typefaces in the titles Impressive. Text ain't bad either.

STRANGE DEBRIS 7 – Chr$ Carne

The more I think about the Desert Island book choice the more I'm inclined to keeping them to non-fiction. It seems to me that a year or two living with any fictional character would be hell. Tho' even as I say it, I look at the shelves and see The Complete Plays of Bernard Shaw and The Complete Novels of Jane Austen and hesitate.

But if the object of the exercise is just to pick one's favourite reading, sez he with a giant intellectual leap forward, I suppose WARHOON 28, the collection of Willis writings, would be first choice. But after that – surely one can't honestly pick amongst several thousand books? I guess I'd be unsuited for the desert island anyway. On the very rare occasions when I've been 'down to the seaside', mostly to accompany someone else, I've found it boring. Ten minutes lying on the sand and I'm up and searching the town for old bookshops. Or even new bookshops.

A quick shufti through quotation books has failed to reveal the soup-bowl/mind analogy, tho' I've come across a rather interesting quote by Logan Pearsall Smith: No, what it [my mind] is really most like is a spider's web, insecurely hung on leaves and twigs, quivering in every wind, and sprinkled with dewdrops and dead flies. And at its geometric centre, pondering for ever the Problem of Existence, sits motionless and spider-like the uncanny soul". For which I'd substitute 'personality' for the last two words, but fair enough.

Of course, if you wanted to pick holes in the web, you'd say that dew-drops would dry rapidly in a wind. But being a realist is unpoetic. Like the dead flies tho.

RYCT Eunice: Did you wander from radio to TV in mentioning Whose Line Is It Anyway? Didn't realise it had been on radio; must be difficult to sort out who said what. It's brilliant on TV, tho' so topical that I haven't even attempted to video it for later viewing.

Er – why do you use only one side of a page?

MARAUDER Vol 3 No 4 – Ken Cheslin

Had your Cap'n reversed I see, tho' the right sleeve and the left shoulder could do with a little tidying up. Nice cartoon.

Er – wouldn't it be better to outline around your illo first, type the page and then stick the illo in? You complain twice of illos getting stuck or unglued.

I read the stuff regarding badly behaved kids with an increasing sense of unreality, tho' I know it's true. Is it due to the drug-based 'freedom' ethics of the mid-'60s, when the parents were 16 years old or so, having kids 10 years later, and those kids being at school in the mid-'80s? Truly, I think a good liberal education is the most important thing in life. And those who teach it should be rewarded in return.

Difficult to think of girls deliberately getting pregnant to avoid school, and even more difficult to think of what sort of parents they had.

That's a well-written (and dignified) account of the Disability Allowance examinations, tho' 'humiliating' is a very subjective judgment. If all people were perfectly honorable you wouldn't need an assessment, but.... hope everything goes through OK.

K24 – self

Since writing the account of Tom White's involvement with the Copyright Act heard of his death.

Steve Sneyd, who gets copies of 'K' whether he likes it or not (trying to wear him down into membership) comments on the kingship bit, and also says apropos my mention of Boots at Rochester with archaeological remains in the basement "Castle Street Market in Sheffield has a fullscale surviving tower of Sheffield Castle trapped in the boiler room (visitors allowed Thursday afternoons) looking like a gorilla in a too-small cage".

He says the there may have been some change in the rules re. copyright, but the requirement to supply one copy generally applies, and there are another 7 University libraries who could demand copies "the University 'levy' was quite unpredictable, and usually came months or years after publication." Steve, as you probably know, publishes small poetry books.

Still leaves me wondering if free stuff is exempt now.

FLYING SAUCERS etc – KEN McVEIGH

What a pity about the reproduction. Someone actually talking about sf too!

Took Truly Madly Deeply onto video, but haven't got around to playing it – rather like book-buying am inclined to take an optimistic view of when I actually have enough time to look at 'em and the damned things mount up.

RYCT me – yes, I'm watching out that I send back the 'I do not want book X', thanks.

Ummm – difficult to sustain a novel from an animal's viewpoint, WATERSHIP DOWN notwithstanding. I have a fantasy, SUMMERVALE, which I've never seen mentioned (by James Kenward, Constable '35) where the hero turns into a dog on page 31 and has various adventures in his local village. Heavy on Spring and the country and bucolic pleasures, as I recall. Sort of pleasantly lazy. On getting it down from the shelves, see that the back cover has 'reviews' from various animal papers leaning towards 'twee', ie. The author has had the fantastic idea that those many-coloured human nests which are such a feature of our countryside shelter a civilisation as intricate and reflective as our own. COUNTRY MOUSE.

This review is a bit mixed – I keep on picking up FLYING SAUCERS and deciphering another para.

Your choices of TSP books coincide with mine in one instance. Of your second choices, wouldn't MODERN RELIGIOUS THOUGHT be covered in WESTERN PHILOSOPHY?

Thanks for confirmation re. 'Geneva Shops', but guess I'll have to satisfy my curiosity with a history book of the period – sounds like a sort of Prohibition Volstead Act might have been in force, tho' the effect couldn't have lasted, cf. the Victorian 'drunk for a penny, dead drunk for twopence'.

The poll-tax figures are interesting and baffling. The £1.30 discrepancy doesn't even equal so many 24p or 18p stamps, even if they were charging postage. Have at them, Kev, and let's know results.

THE ONE-PERCENT FREE – Darroll Pardoe

Marks & Spencer moving things around? Odd – most supermarkets seem to keep their displays static. Of course much-needed items such as bread and milk are usually placed furthest from the entrance to induce one to pass inviting shelves. An oddity locally is Iceland, which has two displays of bread, one admittedly close to the entrance but you have to walk though the whole store to get out anyway.

Yes, 'Glosa's basic vocabulary is derived from Latin and Greek roots. I see from the Encyclopedia that Chinese has an estimated 1000 million mother-tongue speakers, but the language most used in the world is good old English, with 1,400 million speakers. Admittedly, when a good proportion of the latter gather in the Wellington on first Thursdays they might just as well be speaking Chinese.

THE ARACHNO FILE – JDR

While we're living in an imperfect world I guess Lloyds and other Big Business interests should be encouraged to do something useful (tho' I don't think being a 'leading sponsor of fashion' can be categorised thus).

RYCT me re. Nicki's early reading: Well, yes, as one or two of the crew will hopefully tell you, there's White Magic, tho' not so popular (ie. lurid) as the other kind, and I think Earth Magic. By 'similar' I had in mind a couple of versions of the Bible.

Re. Mme Bovary – yes, the Woody Allen story to which you refer is identical to mine – the Spanish Grammar bit is the conclusion.

RYCT Darroll – that's truly astonishing, the numerical order of car number plates you're collecting. When I was at a flat in Highbury, within shouting distance of Arsenal football ground (never went), the streets were thronged (double parking one side, single t'other) with cars and we used to check on NO of number plates. Didn't get beyond '7', as I recall.

Women at War films – there's been a few, but mostly of such poor quality (how does '52's WAC FROM WALLA WALLA grab you?) that the mind's repelled.

STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE – Theo Ross

If you don't know it, or haven't – like myself – come across a recent reference, 'peccavi' = 'I have sinned (Sind)'. Geddit?

RYCT: The book that I'd like to read about the Loch Ness business (and I use the latter word as a working pun) is Rupert T. Gould's LOCH NESS MONSTER & OTHERS, or even his THE CASE FOR THE SEA-SERPENT. Gould, who was a Lt. Commander, R.N. (Retd.), wrote some fascinating stuff on the Canals of Mars and Perpetual Motion and other fringe subjects, and also talked on pre-war Children's Radio – he had a book of them during the War called STARGAZER TALKS. Amongst other things the latter reveals (att. JDR!) that he collected typewriters.

He also wrote (in ENIGMAS) a scholarly seaman's investigation of Columbus's first landfall – a subject that's likely to come up in '92. If seven cities he wrote contended for the honour of being Homer's birthplace (as eleven, certainly, have disputed that of Columbus himself), at least six widely separated islands of the Bahama group have at times been put forward...as the only true landfall".

Trust you had my postcard with Bibliophile's address – they've just published another issue.

TRAVELS IN HYPERXREALITY – Maureen Spellman

We forgive your sloth? Gee – how many beige pages come from Folkestone in a year?

Congratulations to Paul on the new job and the fascinating details of his getting it. There's some fannish association with Clerkenwell, of course, but it's extraordinary that Moira should spot the Day of the Triffids connection.

I hadn't remembered that you and Paul were on the advertising side of TSP – see they had a full page ad. in RADIO TIMES lately which must have cost a packet. But they obviously get it back; average price of the first 30 books I dotted down from their list was about £8.00 each, so they're not cheap.

Yes, I've heard the theory that the hot print-head on an Amstrad 8256 would melt any wax adhering to it, but never cared to risk it. I think the WD 40'd paper, which I've used several times, is for lifting off odd ink particles, not wax.

I saw your letter in 8000PLUS and thought it was OK and the editor (whichever one it was) was wrong, but then they do tread an uneasy line all the time between the beginner (in all senses) and the advanced hacker/writer. I now have a regular subscription to 8000PLUS after relying for years on getting it from a shop and rather late in the day I'm wondering if it's worth it – I find I now have more interest in the ads. than the editorial stuff. (Should I get a 3X" disc add-on mumble mumble?). Went through a similar process with photo 'zines many years ago.

Recycling: I take paper, tins and bottles to local collection bins. Kitchen waste including plastic is taken by the the dustmen, but this is only about 1/3rd. of a bag each week. What annoys me are shops which automatically give one a plastic bag. Sometimes it's a sort of receipt (over and above the till receipt, but I suppose it saves store detectives some work) but other times – this week I bought two pillow slips. They were already packaged in plastic and I (rather unusually) had a shopping trolley.

"Doesn't matter about a bag" I said. The assistant took absolutely no notice and handed me the filled plastic bag. "Why did you do that?" I enquired. "I said I didn't want a bag".

She gave me a sort of "who is this nut case?" look. "Some people don't like to walk out with the packet showing" she said.

"But I've got this trolley" I said.

She gave me a frightened look, like a rabbit caught in headlamps, and mumbled something.

"You're not interested in protecting the environment?"

Her eyes widened a fraction, but that was all. I walked out – I couldn't stand the idiotic stare. Talk about abusing a child-like mind.....

Re-casting the Addams Family with politicians? Well, Norman Tebbitt should be a natural, but they just don't have anyone as frightening. Actually, when you think about it most of the family (excepting Lurk and Uncle Fester – Michael Meacher?) are reasonably normal to look at. No-one as off the wall as Hesseltine, for instance.

Did the previous bit on Glosa's roots before I came to your mention, but I'm sorry I didn't hear the ?TV ?Radio thing on it. I don't see how it could abolish grammar. To take an example that occurs to me with all this cat-talk and I swear with no malicious intent, if you allow syntax to be part of grammar then "The cat ate the fish" is a helluva lot different from "The fish ate the cat".

You could get around the question of tenses by actually altering the speech pattern but it'd be a rather complex system and I think make it more complicated than English, which is not one supposes the purpose of the exercise.

The Cambridge Encyclopedia (from TSP – here I go doing your work for you again) which is an ever-present source of delight, has 472 large pages on Language, and merely cat-scratches the surface.

A BRIDGE TOO FAR (Pt 1) – Brian Stovold

The take-off of DUNE sounds dead on – must keep a look-out for it.

Since giving up newspapers I don't have a supply of crosswords except for the Radio Times, which offers some nice book prizes but needs a lot of knowledge of – amongst other things – pop music and stars, which leaves me out.

A BRIDGE TOO FAR (Pt 2) – Brian Stovold

Sorry, Brian, I picked up your reference to MINI OFFICE PROFESSIONAL when I first read through the mailing and forgot completely about it until this second serious read through. Will take steps to send tear-sheets (or the copiered equivalent) from 8000PLUS to you ASAP.

I raised my eyebrows at your 'Where's the Elephant & Castle?" until I realised that of the whole crew only John has a London address. Technically, I too am within Greater London, which is not saying a lot when the damn thing's 400 square miles, but I'll leave it to John to enlarge on the complexities of that most unlawful district Southwark where the Elephant is located.

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Thus finally to the Bacover, which is clipping from a local newpaper. The funny part of it is, I paid just a few visits to Jonathan & Tony's pub. meet a year or two ago, but it was a bit awkward to get to – hills in the way for a cyclist and you could wait 45 minutes for a bus – and at the end of it half-a-dozen people totally disinterested in fandom-as-I-know-it, so stopped going. When the reporter rang me (while I was composing the February 'K') I kept quite for Tony's sake. Result – a fairly decent 'puff'. AVC