K16

K16, an APAzine for PIECES OF EIGHT, August 1991, from A. Vincent Clarke, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN. "The formula for complete happiness is to be very busy with the unimportant" (A. Edward Newton: This Book-Collecting Game.")


SUMMERTIME, AND THE....

I feel lazy, and what editorial matter there is will be just the odd thought bubble rising up from the decomposing intellect. Wonderful what a few days of sunshine will do.

A little bit of information for the owners of Amstrad 8256s amongst you. I've been digging in a pile of computer zines (yes, I collect them too) and I found a pretty good way of making columns on the 8256. As some of you will know, the inability to do this is a major fault of the unadorned machine and leads to desperate solutions like typing single columns and sticking two together on a page. (Hi,Maureen!) You can, of course, buy your way out of trouble – I tried a Micro-Design DeskTop Publishing add-on once, which gave you as many columns as you wanted – providing you didn't mind waiting one-and-a-quarter hours for the page to be printed – but this solution is elegant in it's simplicity tho' a little slow. You also lose the 'wrap-round' facility which is a bit of a nuisance.

Firstly, you take out the 'Codes' signs if you're using them, as the appearance on screen of various signs is a distraction, and you put your page margins at '0' and '80' or whatever strikes your fancy. Whatever width you make it, tho, you put a 'tab' sign half way along.

You then start on your left-hand column but take care not to exceed the point where the tab is, which is why you lose the wrap-around. At the end of each line you insert a RETURN (which also means, incidentally, that you don't use a fancy CR½ or something when you finish a paragraph).

When you get to the bottom of the page you scroll upwards, place the cursor on the 'Return' symbol ending your first line and press TAB. You then start on the right-hand column and go on until you near the end of the first line. Then press EOL, then TAB.

The cursor will whip to the beginning of the second line of the 1st. column, then to the end of the line, then to the tabbed position. And so on. It sounds a little complicated, but it has the merit of working. You can also use two tabs a couple of spaces apart for more space down the centre.

I've added to the original explanation a bit (the original guy hadn't thought of EOL) and am still working on the thing, but hope this will be of help. Oh yes, this page is being done with the method. Kinda cute?

ooo000ooo

GREEN THOUGHTS

I don't know about your borough, but we're certainly getting salvage-conscious in Bexley, where Welling is located. We now have collection points all over the place where you can put paper, tins and three different colours of glass. I've always hated throwing away paper (you guessed?) and have always looked with what is termed a jaundiced eye ("Excuse me, Doctor, I have jaundice in my eye") at weak explanations that it wasn't worth even a Boy Scout's time to collect it.

Which is a rambling preamble to a small fact I wanted to report, that two paper-bags I've seen recently had the legend 'Recyclable Packaging' printed on them. I mean, come on...do they really think that we're incapable of noticing a bag is paper and not plastic?

And one of the bags is from the British Museum, and was used for two postcards. I was all ready to go into a purple passion about wastage, but I guess that, like purchases at many shops, the bag is used as a form of receipt.

ooo000ooo

LITTLE THINGS PLEASE LITTLE MINDS BUT WOT THE HELL....

I was rummaging through an old box t'other day....well, might as well start at the beginning, always a good place.

I'd had Mike Ashley, the Kent bibliographer around here, and showed him a few odd items (people who know me will understand how restrained I'm being). A couple of weeks later I had a strange voice on the 'phone, which turned out to be James Parkhill-Rathbone. He'd been told by Mike that I had copy of MACABRE, an ancient fanzine that James had published at the start of WW II. Was there any chance that he and his wife could see it? JP-R's copy had vanished years previously. Could I perhaps bring it if I passed their way, or perhaps they could come around here? He sounded old and feeble (he said he'd had a stroke) and I don't travel up to London much – meaning but for monthly visits to the Wellington about once a year – so I suggested I make a copy and send it. Appreciative noises followed and the address.

MACABRE had been the first Scottish fanzine and it was pretty crude, not even being stapled but held together with string through punched holes. I made the copy, but then came across a snag – the punched holes. But wait! I was sure I had a punch – somewhere. Hence the search, which went pretty deep into the murky recesses of 16WWW. And it was whilst rummaging (see line 1 above) that I came across a page of copiered newspaper clippings I'd completely forgotten. It was made sometime in the '70s I think, from that sterling Sunday paper the OBSERVER. I'd been so impressed that I copied bits from 3 separate issues on to one sheet It made me laugh like wossname then and to my surprise it made me laugh like wossname now. It may break some PoE rules and even copyright law, but I don't think anyone else is ever going to reprint it and I can't bear for it to be consigned to a junk trunk again. I thought you might like to read it.

* * * * * *

It starts with a short piece by Nigel Hawkes, Observer Science correspondent, and said that "An engine which costs nothing to run, and might be kept going for ever without servicing has been designed at Harwell Atomic Research Establishment". It goes on to say that "it's one of the simplest heat-engines ever built" and goes on to give details.

There followed two letters in the succeeding weeks. The first was from a C.A. Stickland, who, with his tongue firmly in his cheek, wrote:

"The piece by Nigel Hawkes on Dr. Colin West's solar engine last week prompts me to point out that an engine based on similar, although not identical, principles,has been sold in a number of shops. It is called a 'Crazy Drinking Bird'. One wets the bird's head, the water evaporates, the gas inside contracts causing liquid to flow up a tube to the head so that the bird overbalances, dips it's beak into a receptacle of water, returns to its previous position, more water evaporates, and the process is repeated again.

"Both machines depend on the alternate contraction and expansion of an enclosed volume of gas, causing a liquid to flow back and forth, altering the equilibrium of the machine. Both may work indefinitely, given, in the case of Dr. West's machine a supply of heat, and, in the case of the bird, a supply of water.

In fact, I see no theoretical reason why an array of, say, a hundred Super-Crazy drinking birds, perhaps each a hundred feet high, lining the bank of the Thames, should not replace Battersea Power Station. Does anyone?"

Mr. W.H. Wrigley of Loughborough couldn't resist this. In the following week's issue, in a letter which some bright sub-editor had entitled 'Out for a Duck' he wrote:

"C.A. Stickland when proposing his enormously attractive idea of monumental 'Dunking Ducks' nodding away on the Thames to generate London's electricity, asked if anyone could see theoretical objections to the workings of his scheme.

"From a theoretical point of view the idea is certainly sound, as, of course, was Concorde; there are, however, certain inescapable practical problems of daunting magnitude which no meaningful, on-going 'state-of-the-art' feasibility study could afford to discount.

"The DDs work by absorbing heat from the air in the bottom bulb and discharging it by evaporating water at the beak end. In the jargon of the trade, they are heat-engines working between the atmospheric wet- and dry-bulb temperatures. On a typical winter's day these are depressingly close (say 3 deg.C). A theoretically perfect machine would need to evaporate 240m3/s to generate 500 MW ( = Battersea Power Station). This is twice the average flow of freshwater down the Thames.

"Such an abstraction would be vigorously contested both by navigation interests and by water supply authorities. The resultant vapour would need to be continuously removed. For this, if we suppose DDs along a two-mile stretch and 100ft. high we should need a wind speed of 9,000 mph. This does not occur naturally with any reliable frequency, and to supply it artificially would use most of the power generated. Most of the vapour would soon condense and so supply greater London with an average increase of rainfall of 100 inches per annum with almost continuous mist at ground level. This of course is a practical more than a theoretical objection".

VARIETY IS FOR BUTTERFLY MINDS

James Parkhill-Rathbone, mentioned above, wrote a thank-you note for the copiered MACABRE on notepaper from THE IDLER. This was an elegant professional magazine for many years, and J.P-R was editor for a time. It started a train of thought about the different role that magazines now play. If I want a magazine on, say, water-ski-ing or railway engines I can go to the nearest newsagent and get three or four of each kind. But if I want just a general magazine with a few stories, articles, perhaps poems, it would be hard to find one except amongst small-press offerings.

I'm not sure that this specialization is a Good Thing. If the STRAND magazine hadn't existed, what would have happened to our friend Sherlock Holmes? Oh yes, I know that TV gives us variety, but it's so ephemeral. It's the difference between Conventions and fanzines. One passes in a couple of nights, the other endures. (Goes off shaking balding head).

ooo000ooo

UP-DATE

After trying the two-column method for some pages I can report that it's simple but you lose not only wrap-around but the ability to change type size or use italics unless you fiddle about with each separate line. Pity.

ooo000ooo

COMMENTS ON JULY MAILING

PIECES OF EIGHT

We seem to be getting smaller 'n' smaller – but the quality's there. Sorry to hear of Paul's temporary absence – he gave an interesting insight into the ways of astronomy-as-a-job. Welcome to John as Cap'n in waiting; we never change – as soon as someone shows they're willing and able a variety of jobs is thrust on them from cleaning out the bilge to writing the log. By the way, John, it's customary for the Cap'n to buy the crew members drinks when seen at the Wellington – hadn't they told you that?

MARAUDER 7 – Ken Cheslin

Nice cover, and the 'extras' added to the drawing excellent.

RYCT Darroll, I wonder what does happen to the various dupers that have been in fandom? I hope they don't fall into the hands of Gestetner again – they have a policy of breaking up second-hand machines so there's not so much competition for their new models. I can still remember the last one I bought. I was in the London suburb of Lewisham, which I don't visit very often, and wandered down a side street in the old search for books. There was a sort of of lock-up garage down there which was selling second-hand tools, and right in the middle of a cluster of tables covered with spanners, micrometers etc., was the familiar hump of a Gestetner. I couldn't get near enough actually to lift the cover, but I wriggled a hand underneath the machine and felt for the rubber roller. Bit like a farmer feeling for a cow's udder.

And it didn't feel too good – soft and sort of feathery. I withdrew my hand and frowned at the hump. The cheerful owner said "It's in good condition, Guv. Me son's bin using it. Twenty-five quid to you."

"I think the roller's perished", I said. I was trying to make up my mind if it was worth buying for spares.

"You can 'ave it for £15".

"OK, but it'll be tomorrow – I have to arrange transport".

So I phoned good old ATom, and we got the Gestetner back to 16WWW. I assembled tools and cleaning fluid and lots of old newspapers and lifted the cover. There was a 15-year old dated stencil still on the machine (so much for his son using it) but when I took the roller out I found that the softness had been caused by four or five sheets of duplicating paper wrapped around it. Underneath it was perfect. And so was the machine.

Subsequently John Harvey took it for PULP, and then it went to Rob Hansen for THEN, and then to MexiCon...leading a rich full fannish life. So it goes.

RYCT Maureen – castration is unlikely to stop rapists – it's domination they crave.

RYCT me: I think pollsters are aware that there's bias if a poll is conducted by 'phone, but there's a very large percentage of people with one these days – did I read 90% somewhere? But I must confess that sometimes a niggling doubt raises its tiny head about voting in general; is my vote (or your vote) really only worth as much as the drunken layabout down the road? I suppose so. Only consolation is that the DL probably doesn't vote anyway.

That's interesting about IQ tests for animals – something else to look for in the local library.

Cheers RYCT Chuck on fanzines fandom.

THE GARRET – Tommy Ferguson

Tiger sounds an interesting character, tho' I must confess that drinking 'til you're stupid and then puking it up has always struck me as a time and money-wasting procedure. I suppose he enjoyed himself, which as long as it didn't involve harming other people is fair enough. We can't all be authors, doctors, or come to that Civil Servants. I'm afraid I can't agree with you about the union voting on Clause 25 thing. Not because of your stand, which was perfectly correct, but because it's no use picking up your marbles and going home when someone disagrees with you in the playground. Adult life is a series of compromises and all you've done is to leave these guys in their ignorance. You have to keep in there, arguing. It may do no good in the short term, but if you're not there to put an opposing point of view, who is?

DON'T CHASE THE MORNING – Jenny Glover

Interesting point about second-hand clothes and the Nigerians (or other Africans). You never seem to see anything when they're on TV which you can sort of identify as cast-offs from some charity. Maybe they're extra-clever with the needle?

Tho' come to think of it, most second-hand clothes seem to end up being worn by English people. Since Thatcherism started there's been a great up-surge in charity shops. Even in this fairly prosperous neck of the woods (Tory council) Welling now supports five charity shops for various causes. I'm sure my popping in once a week to see what sf is around their bookshelves gives minimal support – but then hundreds of other people do the same. Not for sf, of course, but there's a sort of worrying undercurrent. I've occasionally fed back really lousy sf into the shops, stuff that even I wouldn't give shelf-space to, and it's gone in a week or so. I have this feeling that there's a secret underground of sf readers locally. I wonder if I started to put an address label inside returns whether it'd flush them out?

Good stuff on Cruella. Was it really the Darling family who owned the Dalmations? I thought they inhabited Peter Pan. As for drinking ink, there's obviously a mineral deficiency here – ink contains iron. Further reports awaited.

SHREDS OF CANVAS – Eunice Pearson

Wow! Thank heavens you've included some contextual references – I just shudder at the thought of checking 6 months PoE to see to what you're referring.

I usually pass over the adverts in the free papers except for the 'For Sale' columns. Most of the paper's a complete blank as far as I'm concerned. Reminds me of that Doc Smith story where the hero is riding with an alien and reading his mind – and there's big blanks; turns out they're bill-boards which don't register.

RYCT Mike p.2 – Ug – yellow/gold paper gives you migraine? Sorry – I bought a ream as it's a nice cheerful colour to me. If I can I'll use white for your copy.

RYCT Ken p.3 – School bullies; this has always struck me as a big issue. Very few children are civilised enough to treat others correctly ( I won't say 'like adults' remembering Saddam Hussain) and I can only put my own daughter's comparatively peaceful progress through school to the fact that as a single male parent I was regarded with some suspicion...they didn't know how I'd react. I think. Will be interested to get Ken's thoughts on this subject.

RYCT Chuck p.5 – They used to revive Fantasia every 2 or 3 years at one specific cinema in London – Studio One, Oxford St. – but it's been many years since it's been around. Hope to see it at a reasonably local cinema on one of four showings soon. It was never counted as a specifically children's film – times change.

RYCT me p.4; so that's how you got involved with so many pen-pals. Fascinating. I agree with you that we shouldn't try to make folk fit racial stereotypes, but on the other hand the ones with whom you're in touch aren't exactly typical – just as your own clear thinking and internationalism isn't typical here.

These are great comments – looking forward to more.

THE ARACHNO FILE No. 9 – John Rickett

I'm a bit uneasy about these marvellous promises of laser-printed ARACHNOs with gold-plated staples and gilt edges. At Mexicon we had Dave Langford on hand to give a helping hand when the state-of-the-art computer crashed 27 times ( I may exaggerate – slightly), but I take it you're on your own. Best of luck.

That's interesting about name-changing. I've been wondering how I'd re-act to being called something else, and I honestly can't imagine how it could make any difference.

I think this is not so much a lack of self-esteem but a disrespect for labels. Which I suppose is partly due to an avid reading of Van Vogt's World of A when it originally came out or soon afterwards. This was something to excite one's sense of wonder – the sf fan's simple guide to semantics. Yes the story was flawed and yes VV wandered astray into Bates Eye Exercises and Dianetics later, but no other story opened the way to my understanding of why King and Country and other more subtle labels had always troubled me.

I can understand why women in particular can feel that they're tagged with a name with unpleasant or unwanted emotional connotations, but the essential me is not a number, to borrow another bit from pop art.

But,oh, I do wish that modern sf had the emotional kick of the old stuff. Maybe it does to youngsters – any younger person reading this been so moved by a modern story that they've spent a quarter of a week's wages on a book explaining the philosophy embodied in the story? I did. It was called Science & Sanity, a thick volume with hundreds of books cited in the bibliography.

Mind you, I couldn't understand much of the thing when I got it, but the sheer enthusiasm was there.

RYCT Brian on group names, weird what can be found in books on English and it's usage. I just obtained an old (natch) copy of A Dictionary of Difficult Words out of pure curiosity, and found that the author had no real idea of what words we find difficult to spell. For instance, he has NEBULA and NECROGENIC (the latter is not a word I use every day – or even year – but the sound of the thing's a sufficient guide) but misses out a word which should have been sandwiched between the two quoted – NECESSARY. That always has me diving for Chambers. I think he'd have been clearer by calling it a dictionary of obscure words.

Interesting – to me, anyway – how some of the old sf words are now understood. I can't remember if 'astronaut' was ever used in sf before it became common parlance, but certainly 'light year' is used every day in it's correct form; I can remember when it was not uncommon to come across it used as a measurement of time.

Not at all sure that I like your backing for a poll of the most incomprehensible etc. APA contributions. Sure way to lose friends and influence people wrongly if you ask me. It's been done in a couple of newszines in the past but mostly good sense has prevailed.

I have an idea that your comment to Ken about women's mechanical helplessness is generally true, but only because of the moulds in which we pop children according to their sex. If you're brought up being told that it's not nice to tinker with machinery 'cos it's man's work I would imagine any impulses in the that direction get stifled. I remember ATom telling me in the period before he died that he'd just taught his wife to change a fuse. He'd always been on hand previously to do it for her. She was in her fifties.

RYCT me on watching the new Star Trek – not to worry, I don't. I could only take so much of the original series without turning off – the perpetual discovery of new races all speaking American English, the re-runs of Earth history....ugh.

I could go on all day.

THE STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE – Theo Ross

TRAVELS IN HYPERREALITY – Maureen Spellman

I found these two so fascinating that I really need to devote more time than I have at the moment to them. I'm still entangled with the '70s fanzine checklist I mentioned in the last 'K' – I sent it to Rob Hansen and had it back with another few hundred alterations, additions and amendments, and I'm anxious to get it finished – it's looming like a nightmare. I need to get some copies – which will still be rough draft – ready for the first-of-the-month Wellington meeting so I can pass them on to people who will still ( I hope) make a few additions. So in the circumstances I reckon the best thing to do is to make my comments on Theo and Maureen's zines a post-mailing (and I've just noticed there's no up-date on 'K' either).

Cheers....................

PS I've just used my first RE-INK spray for renewing the ribbons for the word-processor and they work beautifully. Highly recommended – tho' a deal more expensive than spraying with WD40

K16 Postmailing?

[Perhaps an unfinished draft of the postmailing promised above: deals with Ross only.]

THE STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE – Theo Ross

Interesting – two controversial subjects in the same issue. Start of a trend? Your remarks on the Destruction of Rottweilers issue remind me of a play that I read some years ago. I think it was by George Bernard Shaw, but my 'complete' Shaw (Odhams) doesn't show it, so I'm either mistaken or it was written after the book was published.

Briefly, the theme was what might be called the diffusion of indignation. There are things wrong with all sorts of aspects of life, but quite often the efforts directed to righting a wrong are then mis-directed,either consciously or unconsciously, by one's attention being directed to a'bigger' wrong.

In the play I remember an old-fashioned Socialist, with more wrongs to right than most, being constantly sent off on the track of more social wrongs without actually righting any of them.

In the present instance, you open with the wrong of people being attacked by dogs, and then ross-direct us (if I may coin a phrase) to the greater number of people killed by cars. We could go on from there to the even greater number of people being killed by cigarettes and ad I fear infinitum.

So let's stick to the initial remarks. People (the use of the word 'children' has a higher emotional quotient, but we'll try and keep it sober) are being mauled by various dogs, in particular Rottweilers and Pit Bull Terriers. There appears to be a higher incidence of this occurring – I don't think statistics are kept, and of course the media will always jump on the bandwagon – but we'll take it as 'given'. I think that there's two explanations – at least.

First, with a rising crime rate, people are looking for protection of both themselves and their property. As the purchase of guns is frowned upon, then what's easier than to get an animal with known lethal tendencies?

And secondly, ownership of a large dog increases one's macho image. Here at least is an animal which worships you and inspires fears in others – the perfect solution for the suburban superman – or woman.

Let's dissect the above.

And secondly, with that need goes an absence of love. The dog is wanted as a means of frightening other humans, not as a faithful companion and plaything for one's kids.

'Known lethal tendencies'? There's a bit of a shortage of people being attacked by poodles or dalmatians or even sealyham terriers. Current villains are Pit Bull Terriers, Rottweilers, and German Shepherds. Pit Bulls are encouraged to fight, and have got the sort of features that only a mother could love; I don't think it's worth the trouble to try and domesticate what is after all a cross-breed produced by man for his own nefarious purposes. Not as if you're saving the rhinoceros.

But don't the same arguments apply to Rottweilers and Alsatians/German Shepherds?

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Vince Clarke's APAzines
Contents

PreviousNext

Notes and Queries
K1
K2
K3
K4
K5
K6
K7
K8
K9
K10
K11
K12
K13
K14
K15
K16
K17
K18
K19
K20
K21
K22
K23
K24
K25
K26
K27
K28
K29
K30
K31
K32
K33
K34
K35
K36
K37
K38
K39
K40
K41
K42
K43
K44
K45
K46
K47
K48
K49
K50
K51
K52
K53
K54
K55
K56
K57
K58 to K69
K70
Books About SF Continued
From K??
Vincentian 1
Vincentian 2
Vincentian 3