K15

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K15 – an APAzine for POE July '91 Mailing by A. Vincent Clarke, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent. ("DUNEs last letter should be 'G', not 'E'" – Chuch Harris)

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HELLO, REALITY

This flaming awful June should be useful for one thing other than increasing the profits of plastic raincoat makers. If anyone has the wit to do so it should sort out long-range weather forecasters. Who said that it was going to be the dullest (wettest?) June for yonks?

That's what always gets me about these folk who pop up with their proud boast that they, THEY, foresaw Kennedy's assassination or last summer's heatwave or World War 2 and suchlike beforehand. Did they tell their friends, or better, deposit a sealed and dated letter with their bank?

Actually, I've had a sort of mysterious, dream-like June, fallen victim to an insidious drug – cataloguing. For years I've admired the talent of those folk who go around doing serious and constructive things like listing all the pen-names of Ted Tubb (didn't Mike Ashley make it 87?) or chopping and changing the order of Easter Conventions so that even if you find one that's been overlooked you can still make the figures come out right (hi, Rob Hansen!).

But, as I mentioned so lightly (ha!) in the last 'K', I set myself the task of recording all the sf fanzines published in the '70s ( well, from Jan '71 to Dec '80, to be more precise), and it took over. I sneered at the clouds and rain because I was hunched over this Amstrad sorting out GLIMPSE and GOBLIN'S GROTTO and GONAD and GONG and GOTHIQUE ERA etc etc, to take a small slice. Food was taken when exhaustion set in, and for the first time in my life with Amstrad I was conscientiously taking a copy of the Master disc every night in case lightning struck and destroyed the day's work. I neglected the garden and DIY and washing up and going-out-shopping and all the normal tasks. It was totally fascinating.

And I finished the rough draft yesterday and sent it off for the first check. And again, roughly, there were about 400 titles and about 1400 separate fanzines. I look around at piles of unanswered letters and un-locced fanzines (not to mention the dirty plates in the kitchen) and it's like coming out of a dream. A horrible, hypnotic experience.

But, dammit – it's still raining.

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ME AND HOLLYWOOD

I'm a bit of a newsaholic – I've got the nervous system trained so that quite often I check on the time and find that it's a minute to the hour, and I make a dash to switch on and revel in the fourth viewing of the same old news that day. But if you view like this you get slightly impatient at certain aspects of the editing. If they have to mention an obscure building in, say, Oban, there'll be a three-second flash of same. If some unfortunate is taken to hospital, there'll be a shot showing that hospital's sign-board – Out Patients, X-Ray, etc. – with a reporter in front of it for 10 seconds. Some unfortunate camera-team will have been sent out to secure that picture, Talk about your waste...

Reminds me – when you get to my age most things remind you of something – of an occasion in, I think, 1952 or '53, when I went in to work on a Saturday morning to help do some stocktaking or something equally outside normal routine. I was working at the time in an office stationers with (and here's the sf angle) Ted Carnell, editor of NEW WORLDS. He was then doing the editing – and a lot more representing of authors as their agent – part-time.

The stationers was in Southampton Place, which was located half-way between the then business supplies centre of Kingsway and the quiet backwater atmosphere of Bloomsbury and the British Museum. And, more important, it was just a few yards from Sicilian Avenue. This piece of picturesque architecture (which still exists) was a small shopping mart which had been constructed in Italian style. There were columns and a sort of marbled plaza and Italian restaurants and striped awnings, flowers, and tables and chairs arranged outside the cafes for the use of patrons. (In later years the tone deteriorated – there was a science fiction & fantasy bookshop there for a short time).

But on this quiet Saturday morning, when normally there wasn't even an odd scholar toddling along to the BM – the quietness of the City on a weekend was proverbial in those days – there was an unexpected bustle. A film company had dragged extras, cameras, street-barrows, etc. along there. There was a man with a megaphone. We were asked if we intended to go in and out of the shop. No, we said, only for morning coffee. It turned out that the film people were going to shoot a scene for KNOCK ON WOOD, a Danny Kaye vehicle in which, we later found out, Kaye was going to be chased in an Italian city. Sicilian Avenue was going to double for Italy.

Was Danny Kaye present? Of course not. He was represented by a heavily made-up Jon Pertwee, a British actor of the time with some facial resemblance to Kaye. Many years later he was to obtain some fleeting fame as Doctor Who. Now, mostly in back view, he was to be pursued by assorted policemen across the front of the shop and around the corner into Sicilian Avenue.

As it happened Ted and I were working at least part of the time in the cellars of the shop, under the pavement, where some glass bricks in the ceiling shed a vague light over the ranks of ledgers and reams of paper. Every now and again there would be shouts, then the thud of running feet, then a scampering across the glass bricks. This went on all morning, and they were still at it when we emerged at about 12 o'clock. Aside from Pertwee and the technicians there were about 40 extras representing police, innocent bystanders, shop-keepers etc., and such humble greasers of the wheels of the film-industry as coffee-makers and doughnut providers.

You can imagine that when KNOCK ON WOOD came around to the local cinema I was queueing with a lot of other three-and-sixpences. I knew that Ted and I wouldn't actually show in the film but I could point and say "We were under that pavement."

Point? Human reflexes weren't sharp enough. The shop (and the glass bricks) showed for about half-a-second and the chase went on for a good five seconds. After that it was close-up stuff which could have been shot anywhere from Hollywood to Elstree. That was it. At least one morning's work = 5½ seconds of film.

No wonder Hollywood epics cost millions. And why the BBC (and presumably ITV) are permanently short of cash.

COMMENTS ON THE JUNE 1991 MAILING

PIECES OF EIGHT – Ian Bambro Very very sorry to hear of your wanting to step down from the bridge. In the unfortunate circumstances it's quite understandable, and I just hope that you can resume your normal life (and fannish life) as soon as possible. You've done a great job as Cap'n.

Meanwhile, if you want any photocopying I can do same by return.

Also sorry to hear that our excellent Mr. Connor is bowing out, tho' again it's understandable. A few moments ago (when I typed 'bridge', in fact) there was the sound of the letter-flap springing back in the hall – a postcard from Chuck in Ascension Island on his way south. (And that's a helluva hard word to spell – 'ascension' – made two tries and then copied it from the PC). I was a bit skeptical when Chuck started THINGUMY that it would be hard to keep up from a distance of several thousand miles, and can only hope that things will work out OK.

Anyway, if the tricorn-hat-with-the-skull-on-it is up for grabs, I suggest John D. Rickett as an able candidate. As I offered above, I'm quite ready to copier Captain's Orders, the Ten Commandments or any other communication from on high. Thank 'ee, Sir.

STRANGE DEBRIS – Chris Carne – It's refreshing to read all the political stuff on p.1. Not having any lines of news communication open other than the BBC. I was getting a semi-underground 'zine from the States which had some absolutely contemptuous views of Bush (and, naturally, Quayle), but the unremitting black v. white stance was a little wearying. In general I take a fairly liberal view of politics – that is, there are, just sometimes, grains of sense in the Other Side's view.

On sports I really can't find anything good to say about football (a game where the 'professional foul' is a byword...has anyone ever calculated how many games have been won and lost on penalties?) and although I prefer cricket – partly I suppose because it implies good summer weather with pleasant associations – I don't see the scream about tennis. Only two weeks a year, really, and a lot to watch. Er...what's this 'proper game' that the elimination of tennis to satellite broadcasting would allow to flower? Rugger?

Interesting book reviews. I tried reading 'Gravity's Rainbow' some years ago and still have it around somewhere, mostly unread. I seem to remember that I thought it was boring in contrast to, say, 'Catch-22'. I read fiction to be entertained; if it doesn't do that then I rapidly lose interest.

MARAUDER – Ken Cheslin I have a small apology to make; ol' big-'ead Clarke said a couple of issues ago that Sam Long's OMPAzine that you mentioned was QWERTYUIOP. Sam, who was a US citizen over here for a couple of years, did have a zine of that name, but what you are probably trying to remember is his OSTEEN UNIVERSITY REVIEW, an OMPAzine, which he kept up for a while after he returned to the US. Just an odd fact turned up in the bibliography/checklist of '70s zines that's drugged me recently. Odd title – I don't know of a University of that name. American?

Yes, I agree the minimum requirements are 'laughably small', but some folk don't make it. A pity, but as long POE doesn't lose money on 'em I don't see that it matters all that much. I've returned books to the Public Library that I've only read a chapter of because they just didn't reach the entertainment level I wanted (see comment to Chris), so we amateurs shouldn't get discouraged.

In your piece to Eunice you comment on copiers going wrong. I think that there is something essentially too complicated in that mixture of electronics and mechanical moving parts. I've tried to see the innards of mine when the service guy has been around here, and it's far worse than TV. Probably the trouble is trying to compress the thing to make it less cumbersome than a small-sized car.

And what they don't advertise widely is that the 'toner', the black powder, costs something over £12 per bottle. That is, tho', good for about 8000 sides of ordinary office typing. The way fans crowd their pages you can cut that by 50% – at least. (All those illos!)

I sniggered at the sudden intrusion of the portable electric typer (tho' black mark for not having given the make and mark number) and the inability to shift the margin; gives a marvellous sense of immediacy, like a racing commentary. If I had the traditional three wishes I'd wish that all fans had immediate access to at least a word processor (the other two wishes are none of your business). Using a manual machine after using an electric keyboard is an ungodly sensation – your fingers seem to keep going down forever.

The trouble with most 'world-views' of ancient times was that they had to fit into a strait-jacket of established beliefs. This is startlingly brought out in astronomy. When I was young I used to hunt astronomical texts as well as sf, and accumulated several hefty Victorian tomes by famous astronomers – Sir Robert Ball, etc. It was a curious thing to read the odd speculations and then, in the final two or three paragraphs of the last chapter, a Declaration of Christian Principles: when we see the Glory of The Heavens it makes us Appreciate the Mighty Power of God who made the Universe, etc. (I paraphrase). A bit like the ancient Egyptians and their sacred dung-beetle rolling the sun across the sky.

In the thirties these pious beliefs had dwindled to virtually nothing, but on the other hand the big boys were then assured that they knew everything that was going on – the birth and death of stars were neatly wrapped up and only a few things remained to be discovered by dedicated servants of Science.

Then the tidy world of astronomy was torn apart (I'm not quite sure of my dates here, odd things like war and other stuff intervening – was it the 'Jansky' radiation discoveries of the early '30s?) and suddenly the whole cosy universe was in tatters and as far as I can see it's continued to be an exciting field of speculation and theorisation up to the present.

I feel a bit inadequate here – this is the sort of thing that Paul Cray ought to write about. I was just an enthusiastic amateur, dodging around the back-garden in the dark with my minute telescope and home-made tripod and tripping over things.

Yes, I read THE USES OF LITERACY by Richard Hoggett (one 't' or two?) so long ago that I forget the main theme. I must see if I still have it – it would certainly apply to me from your description.

In re. libraries, I wonder what the best day for going to a library is? The busiest day is obviously a Saturday, which would lead one to suppose that the following Monday might see a more varied range of books on the shelves.

K14 – self – At least one of the Projects I'm working on has drawn some attention. Geri Sullivan, a top US fan, publisher of BEYOND THE ENCHANTED DUPLICATOR, gets 'K' and has written as follows:

"Concerning type-faces, line-lengths and readability. Since THE VISIBLE WORD was published, research has shown ragged right-hand columns to be more readable than justified type and, yes, the shorter line lengths you get with two and three column copy on a standard sized page are also more readable. There is an optimum number of characters per line, I believe it is 45 or so, but can't find the specific reference right now. Smaller type calls for narrower columns. Ah ha! USING TYPE RIGHT rule #8 says, Forget the alphabet-and-a-half-rule. A hoary, ink-stained rule-of-thumb says a line of type should not be any longer than an alphabet and a half in the same point size (some say two alphabets). The rule is meant to keep designers from setting type in blocks that are too wide – if the line is too long, the reader's eye can get lost.....

The article then goes on to say that the rule's too simplistic; it doesn't work because it doesn't consider other factors – line-spacing, type-legibility, etc. In fact, you can't apparently lay down rules; we're left with 'if it looks right it is right.

Geri goes on to say that reader's expectations must also be considered.

"When you use a double-column format, your letter no longer looks like a letter. It looks like an apazine or an article. The content may well be the exact same as a letter, but, as the reader, I think of it as something else. This kind of perception took me by surprise with IDEA. To many, it just doesn't 'look' like a fanzine. I hope that taking it over to mimeo helps......."

Geri also goes on to say that paras. of all CAPS are extraordinarily difficult to read, which is of course perfectly correct. It seems that once again we're up against compromise – length of line against the amount of paper one can afford in time and expense. Geri appears to take it for granted that APAzines should go in a double-column format, my own feeling is that justified type, tho it looks better is harder to read, so For the rest of this 'zine I'll try double columns and keep the length of lines down to about 1½ alphabets and I'll await reactions – if any.

Other things mentioned in K14 have been put on hold, and I'm now contemplating a very large clean-up job. Oh, I might mention that our now-departed Chuck Connor (who's getting a copy of this) caused me some head-scratching when, during the search for '70s fanzines, I came across IDOMO 1. Not a smidgin of a date on it, except an odd ref. to a forthcoming Xmas. Ah-ha, I thought, Chuck brought out a list of fanzines he had a few years back – it'll be in that. And would you believe it – none of Chuck's own fanzines are mentioned. Modesty can be taken too far sez he, quietly grinding his teeth.

THINGUMYGAGGING – Chuck Connor Awkward this, as one doesn't know if to comment on it here or in a full-size loc direct to CC. I've decided that those who are interested will write to him anyway, so my LoC is already on it's way. It's an impressive effort, and I note that the columns are just about 1½ alphabets wide. Pity about the justification, tho.

BEFORE IT STARTS TO RAIN – Darrol Pardoe: Yes, slightly depressing when you find you've been around long enough for your early exploits to be classified as history. Better than being palaeontological, I guess. By the way, never thanked you – which I now do publicly – for your copying of Peter-Fred's dissertation on Buddhism for me. But I think the aura of mysticism – reincarnation, etc. – subdued tho' it is amongst the more sensible advocates of the creed, does not appeal to me.

Yes, Darrol, I appreciate that fandom in general grew hugely in the '60s and '70s. What has surprised me is that we haven't a sub-group in this country which, as you might say, kept to the ways of the fandom I once knew. They've done so in the States. There are still fans there who'd be interested in FANCY 3, and with some of the older stuff eliminated I don't think it's an impossible dream. We'll see.

Re. OMPA. I have a file of OMPA Off Trails which I had from Terry Jeeves but it only goes from 1960 to 1975. I'm trying to get hold of information about the death of OMPA both for Rob Hansen's sake and for my own, as I have this sort of parental interest.

That's interesting about mixing inks. In the last catalogue I have Roneo still show red, blue and green inks. Gestetner just have black.

THE STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE – Theo Ross – Well, yerss, we can all say our ancestors stretch wa-a-ay back (dunno what we'd be if we couldn't – descendants of some flying saucer visitor?), but so what? And by the way, if these royal descendants have some transcendental magic in their blood, shouldn't all the other sons and daughters by the same parents have it? Must be millions of 'em around.

That's an interesting note about the 'folk-memory' of the migration from Iberia (modern Spain) to Ireland...one would have thought that the natural progression would have been from Britain to Ireland. But it certainly conjures up some marvellous pictures. No wonder that Irish toreador O'Higgins did so well – it's in the blood!

TRAVELS IN HYPERREALITY – Maureen Spellman – I found your thoughts on Conventions very interesting, even if it was a bit difficult to figure out what Con you were talking about (a glaring example – the right-hand of page 3 is all about Speculation (I think) and then at the first paragraph break you say "But Mexicon 4 is over..."). We seem to be in much the same position in regards loneliness – except for the monthly Wellington meet I don't see anyone except for Conventions, so they're very important. (I sometimes go for two or three days without speaking to anyone else except to say 'Thank You' to the girl at the Tesco check-out (sound of violins playing Hearts & Flowers).

So meeting friends at a Con is very important to me. I tend to disregard most programme items because once again one becomes part of the audience, as if one were watching TV. So programme planning means absolutely nothing to me (and guests of honour even less). But I'm presumably the exception. And it seems that nowadays the programmers, the makers and shakers of large Conventions, are facing an impossible task. If they construct a programme for the newcomer to fandom (and one sincerely hopes that they bear this is mind) with serious stuff like examinations of Ballard's philosophy and the comparison of Heinlein with Simmonds, then they run the risk of boring old timers silly. Sillier.

I really do think that we should split Conventions as fandom in general has been split, and keep them as small as is compatible with whatever minimum will give sufficient clout to keep the hotel sweet. In fact, it could be possible, if fans behaved, to go back to the same hotel more than once annually – once with a fairly sercon programme for the neos and once for a general natter-con with little if any programme. After all, we've had in the past splits from the main trunk – Dr. Who and Tolkien and the rest – so it's only another sub-division.

I also think it's about time that Cons. stopped greeting one with a name-badge and the programme. When you've made the journey and booked in it's a bit too late to say that you don't like what's on offer. There should be at least a framework offered in the first couple of PRs. Thanks, Maureen for stimulating stuff. AVC