The Cactus Times Gourmet Supplement

or: NORMAN SPINRAD'S FAMOUS CHILLI RECIPE Published At Last!

or: Now Will You Stop Grumbling, Norm?

This formulation serves 100-150. The white space on the right is suitable for autographing.

Ingredients
• 20lb minced beef
• 15lb dried red kidney beans
• 6 enormous onions or 10 normal ones
• 1 pint tomato paste
• 1 litre canned tomatoes or (better) 15 fresh ones
• 250g whole cumin
• 250g basil
• 250g oregano
• 100g turmeric
• 4-6 heads garlic or a whopping glob of garlic paste
• 5-8 large dried red chillies
• 6 fresh hot chillies (or if not available double dried chillies)
• Water
• Oil, preferably sesame or olive
• Cayenne pepper by the bucketful to spice things up.

Method

1. Soak beans overnight, wash and drain.

2. Fry dried chillies in oil until black.

3. Add cumin, brown for a few minutes.

4. Add mince beef, brown.

5. Add everything else [Assume you're supposed to chop the onion, garlic and chillies -- Thog], cover with water and boil.

6. Lower to simmer, simmer till done (3-5 hours).

7. Warning! Do not adjust heat with cayenne until it has cooked for at least an hour to avoid culinary meltdown! [Wimp -- Thog].

8. Eat.

Dealing With the Aftermath

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Alison Scott did the typing
Dave Langford did something or other
Dave Carson nearly drew the pictures