K7


K7 – An APAzine for Pieces of Eight November 1990 from A. VINCENT CLARKE, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN. "Why anyone would ever spend money on cigarettes when they could be spending it on a new sf book I've never been able to understand. And sf won't give you cancer, though it may ruin your eyes and røt yøur brain". Fred Patten – LEFNUI 9 – '69


A few notes

SIZES ETC.

Has anyone had the same difficulty that I've had in finding an Air Mail envelope for standard A4 paper? The envelope manufacturers ('Lion Brand', Woolworths, etc.) carefully don't state that their makes are for A4. Woolworths hides the symbol A4 in its product number, but then states that it's for the A4 writing paper manufactured for them. Lion just state that 'Size 5 will identify the matching pad'. Other brands don't even give the buyer that enigmatic amount of courtesy.

Practically, airmail envelopes are 211 millimetres wide; theoretically, A4 paper is 210 mm. wide, giving an enormous clearance of 1 mm., or. if you like, .0394 inches between the width of the paper and the width of the envelope.

This is OK if you have one carefully folded sheet – it slips in like a sword in a scabbard. But more than one sheet and you're in trouble.

Oh yes, I can visualise the arguments. If They made the envelopes say 4mm wider, with so many millions of envelopes....Actually, if they made the envelopes 4mm wider, that's about 1/50th. more material and presumably 1/50th more that they'd have to put on the cost of the thing – say about 2½p for a pack of 25. But what a difference it'd make in customer satisfaction – if that matters.

In actual fact, I have a fairly short way when a wodge of sheets won't fit an envelope; I have a photographic trimmer that slices off enough from the side of the sheets with no trouble. But I resent having to do it. And I can still buy ordinary envelopes which are 220mm wide.

Which brings me to paper sizes. I'm unashamedly one of the Old School (you guessed?). I much prefer the quarto size (10" x 8" or 254mm x 203mm) to A4 (297mm x 210mm). It looks better. Trouble is, most quarto production has slowed to a crawl, and it's probably on its way out, which is why I don't use quarto in PoE – I reserve my dwindling stocks for copiering quarto fanzines. For years I thought casually – didn't bother to check on it, it seemed self-evident – that the ratio of the length to the width of quarto was nearer to the 'Golden Ratio' than A4. That is, the proportions would have been acknowledged to be more aesthetically pleasing by a lot of artists, window designers, picture-frame makers, etc.

But – shock! horror!! I saw something in an old Langford ANSIBLE this week which completely upset this, and a quick check on Martin Gardner's MORE MATHEMATICAL PUZZLES AND DIVERSIONS confirmed it; the ratio is something like that of a 5" x 3" file card – in fact, 1 to .61803398. If you drew a line 25mm (1") away from the edge down this page you'd be left with a rectangle with a close approximation to the Golden Ratio. And as for quarto, the proportions are way out, even compared to full A4.

Yet somehow I prefer it. Call me old-fashioned if you will....all right, all right, no need to go on and on....

* * * * * * *

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT IT WAS SAFE TO OPEN THE MAIL........

I don't know how many of the PoE shipmates got, kept or remember Rob Hansen's ETA (1988), but No.2 had a page concerning the forthcoming (in 1989) TYNESIDE INTERNATIONAL SCIENCE-FACTION FESTIVAL, a media event which was going to be directed by one Amanda Cable of a hitherto unknown Tyneside group called MARPHI. It was going to have Film Premieres, delegations of American astronauts and Russian cosmonauts, Marathon Role Playing (hopefully to break the World Record) ((I quote)), etc etc. "It is going to be even bigger than the World SF Conventions! It is going to be the major event in the calendar of S-F".

After thinking about this for a few minutes I retrieved the leaflet from the wastepaper basket and wrote a fairly calm and considered letter, conveying a sense of scepticism and enclosing a copy of SCIENCE FICTION CHRONICLE, pointing out that a study of the short list of forthcoming conventions, some with dates years ahead, might be instructive (there were about 50 of them).

Back came a reply from Amanda "I must confess your letter saddened and offended me...you can not be so ancient that you have forgotten youthful enthusiasm....Just think of how the person who dreamt up the first Worldcon felt to be confronted by such sceptics who couldn't handle the idea of such a large event...."

Back to the Amstrad for self: "Did I sound somewhat cynical in my letter of the 17th.? Well, when I get a letter which just shouts cliches from an old Mickey Rooney/Judy Garland movie – "Gee, we've got the old barn and we've got plenty of talent in the Gang – why don't we put on our own show?" what other reaction can there be?"

And I went on to mention that the first World Con had about 100/150 guests – "you'd be well advised to curb your ambitions and limit your attendance to that sort of figure as a first effort....if you're for real I admire your flaming enthusiasm...I'd be reluctant to see that energy go to waste." And I gave them Ian Sorenson's address, the main British authority on conventions.

In Rob's ETA 3 he printed some reactions, including those of Harry Bell, who mentioned our esteemed Captain: "As you might expect, various members of the Gannet Rump (still meeting every Saturday...) also received the MARPHI flyer about the Super Colossal No Holds Barred Shake 'Em To The Roots Scientifaction Festival, but I guess we were no more thrilled than Vin¢. Ian Bambro, being the most active fan around here was entrusted with the task of replying to ol' MARPHI, but I understand more pressing business has prevented him from doing so. Like drinking beer or picking his nose."

From the far-away world of Amanda Cable (Film, Admin, Raffles, Finance, Exhibitions), Brian Taylor (Television) and Stephen Shakesby (Literature) – as the letter heading put it – came no further word, either personally or in some glowing report in THE TIMES, and I filed the letters away. Until this week.

Ah! An envelope postmarked 'Newcastle on Tyne'! I wonder what Ian wants?

"Dear Group Leader, I got your name from the IFRAM National S-F Group List..." and signed 'Mr. S.Shakesby'. It accompanied a three-page questionnaire – "Which fanzines (ie. amateur) do you read – SHADOWPLAY, DREAMBERRY WINE, DAGON, IFRAM, SOUND AND FURY, TORTURED SOULS" and "What magazines (ie. professional) do you read regularly? VULCAN, G.M., DRAGON, WHITE DWARF, FILM REVIEW, FLICKS, STARBURST, STARLOG." etc. Question 16 is "Do you attend conventions?" and 17 "If yes, why?" ( Ans. "To meet friends.")

Noting that there was nothing in the fanzine list about A'TUIN (ed. Mr. B. Taylor, Publisher Miss A. Cable) which a TYNESIDE etc. leaflet had advertised, I rolled up metaphorical sleeves and Amstradded "Dear Stephen, Interested to see your Group raising it's pretty head again. How's Amanda? Look, I'm not surprised that ((according to his letter)) you sent out 500 leaflets and had only 5 back. You just don't seem to understand what science-fiction fandom is" and went on with a potted history – the super-de-luxe shortened Lilliputian condensed miniature version in four paragraphs.

"So to your present questionnaire, which is another colossal waste of energy. You nowhere state the purpose of the exercise, and the questions would appear to be directed at 16-18 year olds, who as a group are not noted for replying to such things. The 'fanzines' are mostly unrecognisable....."

I haven't sent off this reply (which included mentions of CRITICAL WAVE, the BSFA and FOUNDATION) at the time of writing because I'm suddenly not sure how relevant my world is to his. Am I unbearably stodgy with my quiet reading of sf in book and magazine form and fanzines by copier or duplicator? Should I retire gracefully and watch the youngsters read FLICKS and TORTURED SOULS (presumably a fanzine for Mills and Boon readers) and recognise my fandom is only a fringe activity? Tempora mutantur etc.

TRUTH WILL OUT

To tell you the honest, Ghod-fearing truth, my fandom is a fringe activity – now. Once upon a time we may have been the firstest and bestest, but as the foregoing page testifies, we have competition.

That page is from a really extraordinary compilation called FACTSHEET FIVE, No. 34, Feb. '90, put out by Mike Gunderloy, 6 Arizona Avenue, Rensselaer, New York, 12144-4502 (subscriptions cost $7 per issue (or 18 IRCs). FF is a bi-monthly, with a print run of 6600 copies.

At this sort of price it's not likely to have much circulation here, but I'll lend out copies (I have 5 or 6 scattered over the last 2-3 years) if you're as fascinated as I am by the sheer variety of fanzines – and I do mean 'amateur magazines' as Mr. S. Shakesby might put it – available. I'm also fascinated by the fact that Mike G. appears, with very little help, to at least glance through all the zines he gets, plus comics, plus books, plus pamphlets, plus audio tapes plus poetry zines etc. and deal with LoCs – there's one from Charles Platt in this issue. I don't know what the editor takes but I wish I had a gallon of it. The Library lists are badly held up because I can't find time to write a one-line survey of each zine therein.

I might point out here that although I've reproduced page 54, picked more or less at random, there are 124 pages in this particular issue; some have more.

Mike G. is an experienced sf fan – there's a mention of YHOS by Art Widner in No.35 in which he slings around fan chat – "Art is something of a rarity in SF fanzine circles; not only does he communicate with both classic fans and upstart neofans..." but there are very few sf fanzines mentioned. However, if you want to know where to get STARK FIST OF SURVIVAL ("centering chiefly about "Bob"'s death and revival"), SOMNIAL TIMES (from the Mensa Dreamers Special Interest Group), THE CHAOS NETWORK ("for folks interested in chaos theory"), ASTROSTARTALK (for professional astrologers), ALASKA METAPHYSICAL COUNCIL NEWSLETTER, APA-TAROT ( an APA for Tarot cards, naturally), MICROWAVE NEWS, MOUTH OF SAURON (an English 'zine on Diplomacy games)....well, you get my drift.

* * * * * *

COMMENTS ON THE OCTOBER '90 MAILING

PIECES OF EIGHT – Official – Ian Bambro's voting form was really excellent – I shall certainly vote for this fellow whatsisname. Yes – put the fee up to £12 (APAs – an antigravity device for wallets) because unless Ian takes off for Puerto Rico there'll always be some cash available in case the PO is privatised and prices rise. What one can afford is a matter of degree – I'd certainly get more pleasure out of an APA in a year than 3 pocketbooks. Even Terry Pratchett's.

The sampler as an advert has not, as far as I can recall, been tried by an APA (tho' as Harry Bond, head honcho of another APA sees 'K' at least, it ain't no secret) and I'd certainly weigh in with as much help as I could; the electrostenciller etc are at your disposal, if needed. We need to fix the number of pages and copies, then ask the members to submit a suggestion of something of theirs within, say, 1 month. Limit 2 sheets? I suggest we discuss this at NovaCon and put out details pronto.

Recruiting; we just keep plugging. The sampler will help. I have an idea or two which I'll offer at NovaCon.

K6 – self – I'm getting tired of the monotonous areas of typescript. Next issue I'll try some pictures. Page 3 would be a good place.

The pile of unwanted PBs on the hall window-sill is getting higher, swaying as I open the front door. I had John Rickett around and a BSFA member, an odd guy named Kevin Kiely, but neither helped much. Kevin is fairly local, but unfortunately he's an addict. He hadn't been in the house ten minutes before he asked if I minded if he smoked. I said I'd rather he didn't. Twenty minutes later, twitching, he asked if he could go into the back garden and smoke. Am I my brother's keeper? I told him to go ahead and smoke, and opened the windows wide after he'd gone. I felt so damned sorry for him, but what could I do? What do I do next time he comes around?

LOLLYGAGGING 29.2 – Chuck Connor – This is great, and deserves a wider airing. And I'm afraid that on statistics alone you're going to be a lonely sf enthusiast in the Navy, Chuck.

Let's put the figure at 10,000 people in this country who'd be willing to talk sf – that's about the same number it used to take to sustain an sf magazine and roughly five times the number of Britishers at the Brighton World Con. Fair enough? And we'll double that figure to be fair – 20,000. Now there are roughly 40,000,000 adults in the country; it comes out at that one in 2000 is a luke-warm enthusiast at least. Dividing this into Navy personnel (about 75,000?) this gives us 35 odd possible contacts. When you consider that the figure of 40m. included women, of whom there are depressingly few in the Senior Service.....sorry, Chuck, but keep on trying, lad.

There's bits of very evocative writing here – the shop called Thodies, for instance. Brought back memories of going into a similar shop – wasn't it called a haberdashers? – when very young and being fascinated by their method of handling money. The assistant would take it and the bill and put them into a small cylinder suspended on wires overhead; the bottom of the cylinder unscrewed. Wires were criss-crossing all over the ceiling of the shop like a mad metallic spider's web. A sharp tug and the cylinder would go sailing off to a central cashier in a little kiosk, who would examine the bill and stamp it, check the tendered money and if any change was wanted put it into the cylinder, give a tug, and the thing would come flying back. So much more romantic than an electronic cash-register.

But overall this is a fascinating piece, not only about your personal history and about Butch but concerning your fanzines. I'm glad someone else is confused about the numbers on your zines – you and Keith Walker are an indexer's nightmare. What would you do, folks, with someone who numbers his zines like "No.4", "No.4 part 2", "No.4½", "No.4¾", "No. 5", "No.5@", "No.6 + 3 KV", "No. 6.999 Part 2", etc.? Yes, yes, I agree but it's not legal.

And I can, someday, supply you with SABSS No's 1, 4 and possibly 5. If I get over this dizzy spell I may find others.

MALACHITE – Jenny Glover – Now this is really excellent reproduction. I'll banish the unworthy thought that I was lucky enough to get early sheets in each case and just say you've licked the problems – stick to whatever you did to produce this.

That's a nice bit about the kids creeping up to check if Steve is still asleep. It's marvellous how many things are packed into life, mostly unrecorded, which ring universal bells – one may not have experienced it oneself but one can relate. I think it's what they call Good Writing.

Funny how things repeat, too. It was probably in 1957 that I was singing the praises of Michael Innes in a HYPHEN column, after reading THE JOURNEYING BOY. I've always thought that his books perfectly suited my own tastes in detective stories – witty, ingenious, and with thin slices of a cultured life – grand libraries, mansions, educated references – that I would never experience but which, like reading the 'Magnet' (with Harry Wharton, Billy Bunter and the like) before the war, gave me glimpses of the unobtainable. I always think Innes' earlier books – HAMLET, REVENGE!, APPLEBY'S END, STOP PRESS, THE DAFFODILL AFFAIR, etc. are more solid than his later stuff, where a certain playfulness shows signs of boredom. Rather like Sheckley, Russell and some other sf writers – the ingenious idea is there but never properly built upon.

Innes uses a lot of imagination too. In HAMLET, REVENGE!, his detective Appleby has just been to the ballet when he is sent on a case by the Prime Minister – who makes knowledgeable comments on that ballet. Now there's fantasy for you.

You wash everything by hand? I do, but that's mostly because living on my own I have only my own stuff to worry about. You, with Steve and the kids – I shudder. Actually, I do have a second-hand washing machine but am just too busy to find it worthwhile to discover what the 'running order' is, let alone actually to get it going. On the filing cabinet behind me as I write is THE WASHING MACHINE MANUAL out of the library, which appears to be a blow-by-blow account of servicing the things. I've already renewed the manual's lease once and have hardly opened it.

You have the extraordinary ability to make your everyday life eminently readable, Jenny. Marvellous. And, by the way, getting the hekto ink off the fingers can probably be accomplished by an application of 'Swarfega' – garage mechanics use it. You can get it in various sizes from a tiny jar/can ex-Boots to a 'normous bulk tin from hardware stores. Even better would be 'Lanimol', made by the same company, tho' I'm not sure if it's still available; appears to be a mixture of liquid soap and paraffin and on the tin specifically mentions it's applicability (is there such a word?) to printers ink. I still have a couple of jars (decanted from the tin, which rusted up) that I use to banish duplicating ink stains – even gets them out of clothes.

FATTENING FROGS FOR SNAKES – Kev McVeigh – Sensitive writing, good writing if I may so so, from one so comparatively young. I think it was H.G. Wells who said that he felt that he hadn't matured intellectually until he was 30. I have a helluva time understanding the thought processes of someone of Kev's ability, not only because I'm not so intelligent and because of the age-gap, but because at the very time when I should have been undergoing the painful sort of maturing that Kev is going through there was a War on. It started when I was 17, I came out of the RAF when I was 25. Not a lot of chance to relate psychology to physiology in this particular adolescent male.

And of course, times change – 'going to a shrink' was unthinkable; you just plugged on. So altogether it's hard to relate. But I'd like to hear more of Kev's reading tastes; there's no reason why non-sf books shouldn't get some sort of review in PoE – don't bother about Hardy or Eliot or other tried and trusted English Lit. stuff, but what's especial about Steve Erikson, Jayne Anne Phillips, etc.?

I've just been re-reading Clive James's FALLING TOWARDS ENGLAND (almost involuntarily – I went to see Olive, ATom's widow, and when I got to the station I found that there was engineering work and all local trains were cancelled – it took over 2 hours to make a journey which a crow would have measured out as 8 miles, and FTE, which I'd shoved into my pocket on the offchance that I'd be able to read a chapter was 2/3rds finished at journey's end) and – drawing a deep breath – James casually throws off the observation "Basil Spence built Coventry Cathedral, which briefly held the title of Most Hideous Building in Britain before the new London Hilton pipped it for top spot". Agreed?

THE ARACHNO FILE 2 – John D. Rickett – Delightful stuff – well in the APA mould. Spiders give me the shudders – I think I mentioned in an earlier K that I saw an indubitably dead one in an ornamental box at a boot-sale, and skirted it cautiously in case it suddenly came alive.

That Chuck was being flippant about his dislike of autobiography goes without saying..especially after this mailing's contribution.

Gee, there's so many commentable-upon things here it's difficult to know where to start – or stop. Did you know that the sort of – pardon the expression – doggerel you print is known as a 'pome' in fan circles (as opposed to 'poem') and Steve Sneyd is bringing out a booklet with examples shortly? I can't trace 'jenny hanniver' either, and I've gone back to THE SELF INSTRUCTOR: OR YOUNG MAN'S BEST COMPANION (1805), wherein the Alphabetical List of Eminent & Remarkable Persons includes ABEL, born in 3 of the world; killed by Cain 129 ditto. I was wondering if hanniver was a corruption of Hanover, and it was some sort of lewd Jacobite ditty, but no capitilization...probably Chuck is the best person to ask. Possibly comes out of a 'Hornblower' book and means 'the pawl of a capstan' or suchlike. Can't resist the suspicion that, like 'boycott' 'guillotine' etc. it derives from someone's name.

The mention of LBC reminds me that Brian Hayes, who was sacked from it amidst much wailing and gnashing of teeth from listeners (during his last hour the station was deluged with calls including one poor soul who expressed my own feelings – at least he could now do things in the morning instead of just listening to Hayes getting stroppy with phone-ins) is resuming broadcasting on GLR (FM94.9) this very night at 10pm. I've been listening to GLR on and off during the last week and have been appalled by it – maybe Hayes will effect an improvement.

The book you were thinking of re. 'Day the Earth Stood Still' was, as you've certainly remembered by this time, 'Farewell to the Master' by Harry Bates, who was the first editor of – stand by – ASTOUNDING STORIES OF SUPER SCIENCE. They don't make titles like that any more.

I have a book somewhere called something like THE ABC OF DOORSTEP EVANGELISM – who could resist a title like that? I'll see if it has anything quotable for later Ks.

MARAUDER 10 – Ken Cheslin – Good cover. I have an objection to different titles on the same run of 'zines (as well as the numbering system, Chuck) because it gives the indexer more work (eg. ONE OF OUR TYPEWRITERS IS MISSING; TYPEWRITERS ON THE LOOSE; CREATURE FROM THE TYPING POOL etc. or ONCE IN A BLUE MOON: TWICE IN A BLUE MOON: THRICE IN A BLUE MOON – there didn't appear to be any place to go from there so publication stopped). Luckily, they're outweighed by those who plug on year after year – ERG, SHANGRI L'AFFAIRES, SF TIMES (well over 200 of those) etc. Another oddity is fans who number every publication, independently of the title; Dick Eney in the States is up to at least 'Crifanac 600' on this system.

Re. "Go and see Vinc Clarke and have a look at the (fanzines) he's got" John did pay a visit and was suitably impressed, – I think his most frequent utterance for two hours was "Amazing!". Even when I was showing him a TEN COMPLETE STORIES OF SCIENCE FICTION prozine (which in fact happens to have 11 stories) (and they don't make titles etc.). A fanzine is purely an amateur effort up to the point where it starts to make a profit if it's sold. Then it becomes a semi-prozine.

Actually, it's funny how over the years the cost of fanzines has fluctuated. Once upon a time – my children – all fanzines were sold for hard cash. I have an early NOVAE TERRAE (Britain's first proper fanzine) in which the editors say they have 125 paid subscriptions. This was partly due to aping prozines, partly because – like many of today's zines – a professional had a hand in their production (did you know that many early fanzines were printed?) The poor faned had to get some of his cash back.

But over the years, the tradition grew that most fanzines could be had for 'The Usual'...letters of comment, contributions, etc. No one – not even Harry Warner Jnr., doyen of fan historians – can trace exactly how this came about. So nowadays you have the full range, from eg. the pure fannish and hobbyist PULP, strictly for 'The Usual', to CRITICAL WAVE which extracts cash and offers bargain rates for long-term subbers.

As a matter of fact, football fanzines are getting more publicity than our humble type (an a good thing too). The Amstrad computer magazine 8000 PLUS had an article about football fanzines recently, tho' they did admit in an aside, as it were, that they started with science fiction.

Tho' even then....I seem to remember that the Bronte sisters were issuing a sort of family fanzine – but it may have been a single issue job, passed around. And wasn't there something in Alcott's LITTLE WOMEN about an amateur magazine? And there are others, as you will remember from FACTSHEET FIVE; I picked up in a train a fullscale copiered A4 fanzine once, and as far as I can tell (everyone's on first name terms and there's a discussion on the best sandwich bars in London W.1) it was put out by staff at Reuters, the news agency. But those mentioned in this para. don't really come under the heading of fanzines – no one's fanatical about anything. Hands up if you're fanatical about science-fiction.

A small sentence from MARAUDER floats back: "Another point which occurs to me, which might not have any validity, is that people (children) who read for enjoyment might well come from a strata of society where (values) linger longer". Not, I think, valid. The house where I grew up had about a dozen books, half of them Edwardian school prizes (tho' admittedly one of the others was METROPOLIS). This house has – well, an adequate number of books. My daughter, brought up in this environment, virtually confines her reading to COSMOPOLITAN and similar magazines tho' admittedly she collects cookery books. Or am I missing the point?

* * * * * *

Wriiten on an Amstrad 8256; electrostencilled on a Roneo, duplicated on Gestetner

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Vince Clarke's APAzines
Contents

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Notes and Queries
K1
K2
K3
K4
K5
K6
K7
K8
K9
K10
K11
K12
K13
K14
K15
K16
K17
K18
K19
K20
K21
K22
K23
K24
K25
K26
K27
K28
K29
K30
K31
K32
K33
K34
K35
K36
K37
K38
K39
K40
K41
K42
K43
K44
K45
K46
K47
K48
K49
K50
K51
K52
K53
K54
K55
K56
K57
K58 to K69
K70
Books About SF Continued
From K??
Vincentian 1
Vincentian 2
Vincentian 3