K43

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K43, an APAzine for POE April 1984, from A.Vincent Clarke, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent,

DA16 2BN.

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UPDATE

This is being typed a little earlier than normal (which is usually the last possible day before deadline), and is an experiment using Locoscript 3 – a widget whereby one can increase the size of a letter to 1" high. And bloody ugly it looks, too.

There's different fonts available, but I can't see much advantage in using eg. Old English, even for the Old English opinions expressed here. But I hope that the slightly smaller than usual type size is acceptable.

Attached to these rambling comments you will find, if all goes well, an odd sheet on humour in fantasy. In there you'll find the names of Etaoin and Shrdlu – a witty use of a well-known series of letters. Or are they well known?

I've been sent by Derek Pickles an extract from page 31 of THE LIFE OF SIR ARTHUR CONAN DOYLE by John Dickson Carr, an old book (Pan '53) but with a passage which was of some interest. Doyle was still being educated at Edinburgh, but went to London to advertise his availability – I suppose this was about 1881 – and came into contact with the Bohemian life style.

"They have invented," he reported in a letter home, "an atrocity called the 'Lady Teazer Torpedo'. This is a leaden bottle, like an artist's moist-colour bottle, full of water. If you squeeze it a jet of water flies out, and the great joke at night is to go along the streets squirting at everybody's face, male or female. Everyone is armed with these things, and nobody escapes them. I saw ladies, stepping out of their carriages to parties, drenched and seeming to enjoy it highly."

This is, of course, of interest to an old-time fan, because there was a fashion for zap guns/water pistols in the '50s – the '54 Con reports were, if I may use the term, dripping with them. And they're currently enjoying a revival, being advertised in high-tech versions in 'Innovations' and similar mail-order catalogues. Were those Bohemian 'leaden bottles' the ultimate ancestor?

But there's something peculiar about this report. Leaden bottles? I would have thought a leaden bottle would squeeze and remain squeezed, rather like a toothpaste tube. Personally, I think that there's been a mis-hearing or typo somewhere along the line, and they were actually leathern bottles. Seems logical.

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COMMENTS ON MARCH '94 MAILING

PIEMAIL – Ian Bambro

Name of author Leo Rosten noted – wasn't he the guy who wrote about H*y*m*a*n C*a*p*l*a*n? I remember that creasing me when it was serialised in – was it the Daily Sketch?. Anyway, back when even mass circulation newspapers thought their readers were literate enough to read serialised books.

RYCT John. What dictionary were you using when trying to find 'birl'? My 1979 Chambers says it's a Scots word meaning to spin around: to toss a coin: to spend (especially on liquor) and there's the mysterious notation [Apparently onomatopoeic]. The sound of spending a bawbee on Scotch? A groan? We'll doubtless hear from Theo on this – take cover!

RYCT Andy: 'Ganpat' was the pen-name of one Martin L. Gompertz, tho' that is only showing off my Checklist of Fantastic Literature. They list 10 books in the '20s/'30s – I think I read Wrexham's Romance many years ago, but absolutely no recollection of the story.

The transposition of cowboy to sf was a back-page advertising gimmick on GALAXY sf zine in the early days, with the cross-my-heart-and-hope-to-die proclamation "You'll never see it in GALAXY!"

You're spot on about the obligatory seasonal reference in haiku. Am in the process (trans. – I forgot when I first read it) in passing your comments and best wishes to Steve Sneyd.

RYCT Helen on having children: it's truly impossible to convey the feelings of a (normal) parent on the event. But whether this would also apply to an adopted child one just doesn't know without experiencing both states.

RYCT Paul; I've already made my apologies re. not asking him if it was OK to pass on a copy of his APAzine, but it might be of interest to say that years ago a stupid mistake of mine re. mis-naming someone in a sort of APA with about the same circulation as PoE was picked up and spread about to hundreds in a widely-read fanzine. It happens. But, as you say, common courtesy ought to prevail.

RYCT Brian S. I see Tristram Shandy is now out in a single volume edition at £1 – there's now two publishers supplying classics at this price. Bit of a saving for students. Yes, I too have been meaning to read it for yonks, especially as John is always referring to it. Will really have to make the effort. This resolution spurred on by reading extracts in THE OXFORD BOOK OF HUMOROUS PROSE, a 1162 p. opus edited by Frank Muir. Aside from its array of humour from Chaucer to Coren, each selection is accompanied by a short biography of the author. The only drawback is the weight – 1½k./3½lbs.

The (Mighty) Supplement. Well thought out and as clear as it's possible to be. As you infer ("I'm certainly not going to spill the beans to you lot..."), it's next to impossible to keep personal references away from the subject of parental/environmental/free will influences on individuals, so I'll just say that I was a lone parent who brought up a girl from the age of 18 months with the help of my parents, and she's so perfectly 'normal' that she's been happily married for 13 years now. So I, personally, incline to the 'no bad children, only bad parents' dictum.

But you open the argument out into the possibilities of rehabilitation. I think it's quite possible, with the knowledge that has been gained about the working of the human mind. But this is, as I understand it, a highly professional not to say expensive process. Sending delinquents on long foreign trips is merely dabbling at the surface. If it were possible to treat every criminal individually then there might be something to be gained (given that their sentence outlasts the psychiatric process!), but in the present climate I guess that the best answer is to treat those who exhibit some extra intelligence or similar ability (artistic appreciation etc.), and let the hopeless causes, as you term them, go. Hopefully, you can pick them up quickly if they transgress again.

My personal opinion is that while we have a culture operating which puts such a premium on accumulating personal wealth, then you're putting extra pressure on individuals who might err and will tip them over the edge. But that's the old (very old) social conscience writing.

Terrific contribution, Ian.

PM ROUTINES 6 – Andrew Butler

A good and interesting tribute to Derek Jarman. But was his infection in '86 an accident? I would have thought that by that time intelligent homosexuals would have known the risk and taken precautions.

MARAUDER 49 – Ken Cheslin

Agreed more or less with everything down to the comment to Brian J. re. 'British workers do longer hours than most in Europe'. I'm not disagreeing, but I've noticed a certain amount of fudging when some politician is asked about true comparisons between us and other workers – and, come to that, between pensioners too. Is there any sort of authorative document giving comparisons? As I've mentioned here previously, I don't get daily newspapers, so don't refer me to The Guardian.

RYCT Brian, congratulations on getting the Dorothy L. Sayers books, far superior to Christie. But try and read them in order – there's a strong continuing romance running through the later ones.

Intrigued by the page borders. Saw something you said about the illos but can't find it again, so will just say they're pretty good – fell off a Maya monument?

K42 – self

When I said in my comment to John that I couldn't definitely date anything I read before the age of 11, I wasn't claiming illiteracy before then (tho' it's a possibility).

The key word is 'definitely'. We had a few books in the house, some of them my mother's school prizes (in her day they used to give elaborate certificates and books for achievement) such as UNCLE TOM'S CABIN and LITTLE WOMEN, and there were a couple of Henty historical books and CHUMS ANNUAL, which was an enormous boy's annual. (The latter was 12 bound copies of a monthly which was so expensive that you didn't see it in the local shops). But I can't say that "I read 'X' at the age of 9 ". It's a blur.

WATCHER FROM THE SHADOWS – Jenny Glover

Welcome to the double column club. Nice cover too. I'm afraid that the cost of opera going has always prevented me from getting into this art form, except for the light operetta TALES OF HOFFMAN, which is a particular favourite. But re. your remark on 'myths of opera', that they're very popular overseas, I don't know about Romania, but there was a TV offering some months ago which specifically said that Italians knew opera so well that even the errand-boys whistled arias.

It's odd that we have hardly any native British opera (and when was the last time you heard someone humming Peter Grimes?). I suppose the same could be said for the Americans, tho' of course they put their operas on film (West Side Story, etc.). Is there something in the Anglo-American character which finds the absurdities of a lot of the action unpalatable? Something to do with English not being a musical language?

Like your eminently sensible approach to TV, but somewhat surprised that you haven't video. It is, of course, a pitfall if you have a collecting instinct like mine (sez he looking at shelves of video cassettes), but it does have that blessed ability to enable you to look at two TV programmes at the same time – one live and one later on video. But I guess the whole thing depends on how much spare time you have – and if you want to censor the kid's viewing. Difficult.

Thanks for the info. on the vanished MARPHI group. I feel a little sorry for them, but they seemed totally unrealistic – for instance, they were intending to exhibit aeronaut's suits and similar rare items, but hadn't apparently thought about insurance. But re. the remark about them becoming active fans, don't you realise how rare you and Stephen are, bringing up a family and still both being active? My knowledge of current status is not as good as it was, but I would guess there's not more than ten couples in your position in world sf fandom.

Ta for data on arrow wounds – can now look more sympathetically at Clint Eastwood's pincushion imitation.

SILVER PENNIES – Helen Gould

Story: umm, knowledge of pheromones has come along a bit too late in my life for me to take much interest in them, but surely they're not the only trigger to sexual attraction? And in the story, wouldn't word-of-mouth have told the heroine what to expect? But not bad, not bad. The story of your own clinical experiences are a marvellous example of cool intelligence.

Your comments to Darroll say exactly what I should have done if I'd only had the space, time and ability. I've always thought of Ro as a perfectly competent big name in the fantasy/ghost fiction field, a very good editor of many SEAGULLs and WARKs, (probably before your time, but I'm not up-to-date in the fantasy field), the pleasant wife of Darroll, and only in the background, as it were, as an amputee. Absolutely no offence intended.

Like all your mailing comments.

FRAGMENTS – Mike Gould

Now, that's a cover! A bit OTT but interesting.

Hope your friends make good with Amway, but I think the chances are against. I had a recent brush with a scam – a large leaflet turned up addressed to Mrs. Clarke and saying she'd won one of a listed number of prizes. Just send – I think it was £4 – for packing, insurance, etc.

There hasn't been a Mrs. Clarke in the house for 15 years, so I promptly sent the leaflet to 'That's Life'. The next Saturday Esther Rantzen displayed hundreds of these lists, said that most people were given as a prize a ball-point priced by these folk at about £8, valued by 'That's Life' at about £2 max.

The upshot was that even if They cleared only £1 min. profit on the post and insurance with each reply, the number of lists that were sent out would have given them, if I may use the cliche, a nice little earner. In fact, they could have afforded to send out a few expensive prizes as examples of their good will. A small-scale scam, but I suppose not much more dishonest than eg. TV stations giving ridiculously easy quiz questions and getting a rake-off from British Telecom because of the thousands of answering calls generated. What a world!

Bit about the Christmas bed amusing, tho' I solved my own bed problem (about 60 years old, and an ex-hospital bed of all things, being all metal) by laying boards across the frame over the original springs and buying a new mattress. Perfect peace thereafter.

I was wondering what sort of astronomy books Helen was after. The science changes so fast these days that I'd have thought anything over 5 years old was out-of-date. I have a number of old astronomy books stretching back into the Victorian era and don't know what to do with them – seems a shame to chuck them out, but there's no antiquarian book shop within 6 miles or so.

RYCT me – you haven't actually said which Wodehouse titles you're after. Be an idea to publicise the info. anyway.

That's a nice glued-on errata slip

RYCT Ken RHCT Eunice; I would have said that you have the exact opposite viewpoint to me. Remembrance Day is for recalling memories of the dead and the futility of war. When war comes along, there's generally enough gung-ho patriotism to make the thought of dying heroic and well worth while.

LITTLE BITS OF ZERO – Carol Ann Green

Nicely told vignette of a few anxious hours. You were, in a way, lucky – or your Dad was. Very similar experience here, but my own Dad was unlucky.

RYCT Ian: All my fan life I've been wanting some sort of club room in which to relax – pubs are just not suitable for most fans, who'd rather talk than drink. Never managed it in the London area. The next best things are 'Slan Shacks', whole premises shared by fans who keep at least a room open to others, as a matter of course. Sometimes they work.

RYCT Barry: The bit on People's Park reminded me of Nivens' short story Cloak of Anarchy (Analog/TALES OF KNOWN SPACE/ and doubtless other collections/) which was probably inspired by PP. Only Nivens being – what's the expression, Liberal Authoritarian? – it's more or less told from the viewpoint of law'n'order.

DRIVULA'S DRIVELLINGS – Carolyn Horn

Now this is what I call mailing comments! If only you'd managed to get your type size up to 8pt!

RYCT Ian: You mention artist Louis Wain – quite a tragic story as he became obsessed by cats and ended (I think) in an asylum. His cat drawings are sought after.

RYCT me: 'Paper making' reminds me that years 'n' years ago I shared a flat with Ken Bulmer (old time fan and pro-author). This was before his writing days, and he used to travel for a paper firm. He was enthusiastic, I'll give him that. When a letter came in he'd tear off a little corner, wet it, examine it, and give his professional opinion of the paper quality before actually starting to read the letter. Nice guy – he's still around, but much involved in War Games. Still writes.

Many thanks for the info. about the black/white fast forward video. Marvellous. Another problem scratched.

RYCT Paul. Hah! A flagrant generalisation! "The older generation ((in the '50s)) couldn't understand the new stuff". I dunno about 'understand' but my Dad, who was then in his early 60's, adored the Beatles. But overall you do have a point – there's great chasms between then and now.

RYCT Eunice: "Surely each day is a 'Hey, great, I'm still alive day'" should be carefully extracted and erected in gold and marble somewhere. Love it.

RYCT Theo: Like the understated "I have some problems with Heinlein's attitudes on some issues." I reckon most of us do, except for RAH worshippers like Spider Robinson. I take it you weren't in a position to read the obituaries when he died? Tactfulness was trampled by plain speaking.

Your basic drive leaves me kinda breathless.

ROPE OF SAND – Brian Jordan

That's good coverage of the Innovations dry-battery charger – I was half thinking of sending for it myself. Thanks.

Am intrigued by the is it/ain't it duplicator. Have you thought that it might be a duper with the handle broken off or otherwise detached?

Like your comment to Kev, tho' I'd have put it more simply – fandom is for fun, your own and other peoples.

THE MOON-DRENCHED SHORES – Darroll Pardoe

Interesting query on Con-hotels shown on film. Very perceptive of you to spot one – most people would be looking at the characters. Interesting from another viewpoint too – except for massive places like the Brighton Metropole, which would probably be too grand to allow in cine-cameras, I'd think most of the others would be at the other end of the scale – too tacky.

I don't think Keith Walker's doubling up of APA contributions really matters, does it? I was just slightly miffed that he didn't also acknowledge PoE in his title.

RYCT me. Ta for confirming that jury blabbing is illegal in this country. Keith's zine and ordinary films/TV show this is not the case in the US. I wonder why?

THE ARACHNO FILE – John D.Rickett

Re. Fortean Times. I was a member of the Fortean Society once (when Theodore Dreiser was overlord and Eric Frank Russell was the British rep.), but they appeared to think that vaccination was just a big con., and I got out from under. These days I rather like The Skeptic, and might join their society, but they appear to think that hypnosis is just a big con.

Admire your plea for Eunice, but if she's no longer interested....... Pity, tho.

A good Arachno, even in a slimmed-down version.

THE STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE – Theo Ross

Ta for stamps, Theo (Wodehouse transaction, crew).

Your query re. Twelve for the Twelve Apostles (is that the title?) has me shaking my memory with both hands. Yes, I read the explanation once. I think Romany lore was in there somewhere. Sinks back in armchair, muttering.

Tarzan not suitable for review? Sure, most old-timers at least lapped up the series when young, but looking at them with an adult eye there's snags. The last time I saw an overall view was in the fairly snooty FOUNDATION No.39, in an essay called 'Reader, He Rescued Her: Women in the Tarzan Stories' where John Newsinger says he read 'many with great enjoyment as a teenager and have more recently re-read with some embarrassment'. To cut 9 pages of review into a half sentence, Burroughs' racism and denigration of women don't find favour in this era.

I remember I had the same feeling when re-reading an old favourite, the 'Sanders of the River' series by Edgar Wallace. I accepted without question the picture of child-like savages of Africa looked after by kindly but firm Commissioners. I chucked the whole lot out, with only a small twinge because they'd taken some time to collect, the 'Sanders' stories being issued by half-a-dozen publishers and therefore difficult to track down.

Nice bit on Alternate Worlds. Sold me on it anyway, next time I'm at my favourite newsagent. Congratulations on your own sale – hope there's many more.

LANDSCAPE WITH SMALL WINDOWS – Maureen Speller

Good account of the failed burglary, seems from what you say that it must have been a small-time thief seeking money for drugs. Surprised the police didn't suggest that you attend some sort of crime prevention display at the station – or maybe they haven't got one?

Nice going on the T & D skating stuff, and agree with all you say.

LA TORTUGA etc etc etc. – Brian Stovold

The two references to listening to music struck a chord (hah!) "I am quite happy to seek solace in the past successes that I know..." and "I very rarely have time to sit and listen to music and do nothing else at the same time". Exactly my sentiments. Like most people I have at least five sources of music available (Hi-Fi, Radio, Tape, TV, Video. No CD – yet)) and tho' I sometimes have music on as background, is that really listening? And I'm working on a theory that to the ordinary lay person, not professional musician, there comes a time after, say, 30 years, when what might be termed the auditory appreciation centre of the brain is full up. Whatever you hear sounds like something you've heard before.

I thought my comments were condensed until I read yours!

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Most of you know that I send Steve Sneyd copies of 'K' in the hope that some day he'll have time to join the good ship Jenny Hanniver. The last issue produced the following comment from him about one item:

"...your discovery of 'the typo beetle' is a gem of strange arcana. I do vaguely recall seeing such mysterious 'word fragments' on trees as a kid, and imagining they were the work of people starting to inscribe love messages or whatever, and being interrupted by someone official. Never knew they were nature's work.

One such fragmentary inscription, on a twisted old pine in a field corner, was associated by us with a probably rural myth, a horrific tale of a couple lovemaking there being crushed to death by curious cows. The idea, of this being the last frantic dying message attempt, went well with the surreptitiously circulated horror comics full of radioactive-brained zombies with bits of flesh falling off etc. (this was before Wertham's comics code really got a grip). We visualised this crushed mishhapen couple still lingering in the spot after dark, and checked every so often for additions to the 'message', but never found any."

Thanks, Steve. And farewell all. AVC.