K20

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K20. an APAzine for Pieces of Eight, Dec. '91, from A. Vincent Clarke, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN. "We do not advise anyone to try trepanning themselves, as even a fractional miscalculation could cause death or insanity." Gandalf's Garden, quoted by Dr. Evans in Cults of Unreason.

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UPDATE

I finished the '70s Brit. Fanzine Index, and was almost immediately told I should have put in an editor index. Matter of fact, that had occurred to me, but any more indexing for the time being would have given me the dry heaves.

I haven't distributed the thing around willy-nilly, as very few fans that I know of are collecting '70s fanzines, and that includes all members of this APA, but if you think you've been shamefully neglected, please let me know.

Other than that, I've done very little except pay out approx. 10 weeks income to have roof repairs done. Twenty years ago I'd have been do-it-yourselfing like mad, but anno domini and stuff. Which is why I couldn't justify going to NovaCon – a pity, but not only the expense but the attendant gloom made me feel down.

And to add to the misery, I've started on the annual Xmas-present pilgrimage. You may recall that I've mentioned that I have few relations, but my daughter, tho' eminently sane in all other respects, makes a big thing of Christmas. She'll even elaborately wrap and ribbon a present when appreciation of same is likely to last about 5 seconds, and her Xmas tree is a monumental concoction of lights and tinsel and glass balls and bells and suchlike. Whatever, this Dickensian atmosphere (Charles, not Philip K.) induces every Xmas a frantic quest through the shops to pick just the right present with just the right connotations, ambience, and what-have-you, and leaves me feeling horribly inadequate and Scrooge-like.

An awful experience.

I also had a.a.a. a couple of nights ago. I have a small combined bathroom & lavatory, an area of about 2½ baths, and I went there around about midnight to pay my final respects. Before I could even unzip I noticed some traces on the white china basin which looked remarkably like bird droppings. As the window is permanently shut (there's a ventilator) this seemed improbable, but while I'd had the roof-repairer in that morning I'd had the front door open for a considerable time so that he could get cans of water, cups of tea, etc.....

I left the bathroom and made a hasty tour of the upper rooms. No signs of a bird. It then occurred to me that the repair man, whilst mending sundry holes in the roof, substituting broken tiles, etc., might have accidentally trapped something, which had found its way by some mysterious means...no, it didn't seem possible.

So I opened the bathroom door again and there was a frantic flutter of wings. I jumped back and closed the door, then opened it a crack. Perched on the shower-curtain rail was a small grey and brown sparrow, eyeing me.

I shut the door again. It was now well past midnight and it seemed improbable that the sparrow would voluntarily fly out of any window I left open. I don't know much about avian habits but I know sparrows are not usually nocturnal. Suppposing I trapped it? I went downstairs, found a cardboard box, scattered a few breadcrumbs therein, and cautiously placed it on the bathroom sink, the sparrow meanwhile retreating behind a cluster of pipes.

The need for the bathroom becoming imperative, I violated the downstairs sink, thanking heaven I wasn't female, and went upstairs again. The sparrow was still behind the pipes, ignoring the trap which seemed suddenly a bit silly. What was I anticipating – the thing getting hungry enough to swoop down into the box and then me covering the top of the box with a bit of cardboard? How long would that take? Absurd.

I was also feeling a little annoyed. I had a brain that weighed more than the entire bird. Surely there was something? Could I construct a sort of sparrow net on the lines of a butterfly net out of a distorted wire coat-hanger and a shopping bag? Not at half-past midnight I couldn't. Supposing I fetched a soft-bristle broom, trapped the sparrow against the wall somehow so I could reach it....I peeked inside again. The sparrow, nervously shifting from one foot to the other behind the pipes, looked back. No, I couldn't guarantee not crushing it or even getting hold of it.

So I gave the sparrow best. I shut the door, turned off the light and went to bed. In the morning I carefully closed all the doors except that into the front (fan) room upstairs, opened the windows in that room,and went into the bathroom waving. The sparrow shot out of it, perched just a moment on a picture rail, then fluttered at dazzling speed into the front bedroom. By the time I'd reached the room it was empty. I shut the windows, and went to clean up the bathroom, feeling inadequate.

RECEIVED

SCIENCE FICTION FIVE-YEARLY is out in the States – traditional fan humour with bits by Tucker, Bloch, Willis, Harris, etc. Multi-colored duplication too – so much better to look at than these simple monocolour litho jobs.

ORBITING A DATA DUMP – Steve Sneyd – a small (4 x A5 pages, hand-written copiered) 'preliminary listing of British Speculative Poetry Collections & Anthologies'.

CACTUS TIMES – first news of Mexicon V. in 1993, probably at Harrogate as No.IV.

Detailed info. on all above available.

REVIEWS

THE FACE OF THE WATERS – Bob Silverberg (Grafton '91)

Many years ago, John W. Campbell Jnr. made it almost mandatory that Earthmen Must Win. After this he must be spinning in his grave like a gyroscope, because Agberg's latest yarn has humans five hundred years hence, with the Earth destroyed, scraping a living on an island of a watery planet where they're allowed to exist by sufferance of aliens. Thrown out, their small fleet of ships sails the seas, enduring various depredations, and I won't spoil the ending but it certainly isn't Earthmen Triumphant. Well told at considerable length, but a little depressing.

CRYSTAL EXPRESS – Bruce Sterling (Century '90)

When it came close to her station for star-drive maneuvers, the Investor ship unfurled a decorated solar sail with a puff of gas. The sail was big enough to gift wrap a small moon and thinner than a two-hundred-year-old memory. Despite its fantastic thinness, there were molecule-thin murals worked onto it: titanic scenes of Investor argosies where wily Investors had defrauded pebbly bipeds and gullible heavy-planet gasbags swollen with wealth and hydrogen...."

Exotic is the word for Sterling's first book of short stories. Again there's an emphasis on down-beat endings, but the imagery is wild, and appealing if you don't think too much about it – molecule-thin decorations? I enjoyed it.

BARE-FACED MESSIAH – Russell Miller – (Sphere Books) – Biography of L. Ron Hubbard, now available as an approx. £1 remainder at your local stationer. Fascinating.

UNKNOWN WORLDS – Edited Schmidt & Greenberg – Remaindered at £5.95 – over 500 pages of stories from the fabled extinct US fantasy prozine; has Sturgeon, Heinlein, Leiber, etc.

COMMENTS ON THE NOV. '91 MAILING

THROUGH THE LOUD HAILER – Cap'n Rickett

And Josie did a marvellously competent job of listing the zines and getting them out.

Re. Ken's suggestion as to listing activity and dues owing, this is something we used to do in OMPA – if I have time I may include a copiered sheet to show y'all (no credit thanks). But this was a large-size APA, with three officers plus members who were in general extremely active in the fanzine field and possibly needed a reminder of what they owed. Not sure if this is applicable in the conditions prevailing in PoE and its smaller membership. Put me down as a spear-carrier on this one – background figure who'll go along with whatever's decided.

But away with false modesty re. 'prior sightings of contributions'. You're entitled; not much point in wasting a month on Admin affairs.

MARAUDER Vol.2 No 11 – Ken Cheslin

Yes, the social split between common fans and those able to afford to put their stuff on bulletin boards is a little worrying, more so than desk-top publishers etc. whose products come through the ordinary mail. Until now, all a recipient needed was a door with a letter box.

Re. masochistic duplicator owners – but it makes a man of you, my son. Your small catalogue of troubles reminded me of a pome I did for HYPHEN No 1 in '54 which went in part:

"You should have blanked that extra letter, But you tried it there and it shows through better,
The shade on that illo's come out blotted,
And why is that white space leopard spotted?
The ink spreads out like an age-old glacier,
But on your hands it couldn't be racier...etc etc.

and it ended:

Faneds together, in a chorus sing,
"Half the fun lies in publishing the thing".
"Lies" is the word, may that sentence's creator,
Spend eternity in hell with his goddam duplicator."

Re. Chauvenet – you have a point, tho' I should have explained that there was a contraction – 'fanmag' (plural 'fmz'). On second thoughts I don't think C's deafness was a factor – it's just easier to say 'fanzine'.

RYCT Brian Stovold on TV programmes: my personal opinion is that HAVE I GOT NEWS FOR YOU (BBC 2 Friday, repeat next day) is the funniest thing going out at present. CLIVE ANDERSON TALKS BACK (Friday, Channel 4) is sometimes witty, tho' the format – presenter there to poke fun at his guest and the guest knows it – is a bit edgy at times. EQUINOX, Sunday Channel 4, is an interesting pop science programme, more so than TOMORROW'S WORLD which is bitty.

I have a weak spot for GIVE US A CLUE, the mime programme (ITV some afternoons), I think because you can re-watch it if you have it on video and as it's only 25 minutes long it tends to come up fresh each time you replay it – providing you have enough episodes.

CAPTAIN HOGWASH CALENDAR – Ken Cheslin

What can one say? Marvellous.

K19 – self

The Bonfire night op. went OK – except that I only managed to burn about 1/6th. of the rubbish available. Guess I'll have to mulch the rest down. I'm coming around more and more to the viewpoint that a garden's a luxury I can't really afford, in time or money.

The Lovecraft volumes have gone, if anyone was thinking of asking for 'em.

THE WATCHER FROM THE SHADOWS – Jenny Glover

What a sinister title! Even to someone who read through a number of Nevil Shute stories 40 years and more ago the essay was interesting and perceptive. If I wanted to be picky I'd say an actual extract from NS might have been useful. Several '20s/'30s popular authors echoed popular racial stereotyping – see Dorothy L. Sayers occasional remarks re. Jews, for instance – so NS was not distinctive in that respect, but the quality of his story-telling was something else again.

Very much enjoyed the exploitation of the computer – especially taken with the swelling caps. on page 2.

RYCT JDR, I have THE OGDEN NASH POCKET BOOK and GOOD INTENTIONS if you want to borrow either. When reading the ravings of felinophiles I sometimes think of Nash's THE KITTEN:

The trouble with a kitten is
THAT,
Eventually it becomes a
CAT.

FRAGMENTS – Mike Gould

Interesting, but not a lot I can find to comment on. The house next door (No.14) is up for sale and I'm wondering who's going to be my lucky (or in view of the condition of the garden) unlucky neighbour.

TO THE SHIRAKAWA GATE 2 Darroll Pardoe

I have somewhere here, in the midst of 60 years flotsam and jetsam of book collecting, an Xmas-gift type book which has nothing in it but jokes and notices copied off office notice boards – sort of middle-class graffiti. Some of them are even funny. I can't remember how the compiler got around copyright rules, but maybe he could plead that they were all common knowledge and the original authors untraceable. Will try to find the thing and report. Thanks for the info – most interesting.

THE THOUSAND DREAMS OF STELLAVISTA – Eunice Pearson

I'm not sure that this was even intended for PoE but it's very interesting and a valuable source when someone comes to write the history of '80s fandom.

THE STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE – Theo Ross

Terrific combination for the Hogwash/Milligan picture. You have (remembering 'no defence against peanut butter') a sort of genius.

I think JDR was throwing himself a little too much in his Cap'n's character re. 'English pounds'. Piping up for lil ol' me it's a matter of complete indifference whether I'm ruled from Westminster or Stornoway – I've had very little in common with those at Westminster for the best part of my life anyway. What does worry me is nationalism – the present stupid squabbling in Yugoslavia is quite insane – which I'd like to see abolished and if in the process 'national culture', folk-dances, etc. go to the wall that's just too bad. Rather a live peasant than a dead costumed Morris Dancer.

TRAVELS IN HYPER-REALITY – Maureen Speller

Marvellous news – pity about the reproduction. For what it's worth, events have conspired to give Maureen a big boost as those of you at the Wellington last month will have seen. We spent some time discussing E.T.A. Hoffman, whose TALES OF H. has obsessed me for some years because of Offenbach's music & the film, tho' not the original book. Score is 1 book, 2 film-videos, 3 or 4 LP records and half-a-dozen audio tapes (inc. one of the film again).

'Bye for now – time's mugged me again. AVC