K11

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K11, an APAzine for PIECES OF EIGHT, March '91, from A. Vincent Clarke, 16 Wendover Way, Welling, Kent, DA16 2BN "For lack of anything better to do, I collect books on levitation" ((letter to THE SKEPTIC, Jan/Feb '91)).

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THE MORE THINGS CHANGE.....

Here's a tiny test for my multitude of readers. The following is an extract, in which numbers have been inserted instead of certain key words. What's the subject? "...many many ...(1)... in this country feel isolated, lonely, abnormal, even. Having local groups means it's possible for this situation to begin to end. Do you pine to be able to talk to people who share your view of ...(2)...? Do you long to have conversations in which you don't have to present arguments ...(3)... ...(4)..., in which there is a mutual, shared understanding? Are you isolated, lost, and alone? Life doesn't have to be like this. Even if you don't want the responsibility of running an organisation, you and other ...(5)... could meet in a local pub once a month.........'In the beginning was the Word.' Communication is what keeps any group going. Without it, people forget to go to meetings. They feel like the group has forgotten them. They begin to feel lonely, isolated, lost. They begin to feel they don't know anyone who thinks the way they do."

Jenny and Maureen and other BSFA stalwarts may believe that this is from an early VECTOR, pinpointing the isolation that the sf reader used to experience. Or even from an earlier pamphlet to sf fans, say by me about 1948. Or even by me in 1991 about a local group (I see I've been named in the latest CRITICAL WAVE as the person running the local group in Dartford, tho' I haven't been there more than once in the last six months.)

Not to keep you in suspense (were you in suspense?), the missing words are – (1) skeptics, (2) the world, (3) against, (4) graphology, and (5) 'skeptics' again. It's from an article by one Wendy M. Grossman in the latest THE SKEPTIC. This is a fascinating magazine which a fan has sent to the Fanzine Library, and – forgetting Wendy's slight fixation on the evils of graphology, which a braver editor would have altered to 'supernormal experiences', – is to me a welcome antidote to the reams of tosh that are written and talked about astrology, ghosts, religion, crystal-gazing, UFOs, etc. etc. This latest issue even has an article on management training ("Do not be surprised, therefore, if companies exercise the critical faculties of an ostrich with a balaclava on backwards.")

I used to belong to the Fortean Society many many years ago. You haven't heard of Charles Fort (1874-1932)? He was a pudgy American of independent means who felt that we too readily accepted orthodox science, and he gathered tens of thousands of extraordinary news clippings of weird phenomena from all over to back up that belief. One of his four books was serialised in six pre-war ASTOUNDINGs (now ANALOG), and a Society was founded just before he died, it being supported by Tiffany Thayer, Ben Hecht and other literary figures. One of America's leading humorists of the day, H. Allen Smith, also got in on the act and had a chapter on Fort entitled 'Mad Genius Of The Bronx' in his book LOW MAN ON A TOTEM POLE.

Fort had a marvellous, exciting writing style which you can find echoes of in the stories of Eric Frank Russell, who was in fact the English representative of the Fortean Society, and sometimes, as in SINISTER BARRIER, quoted heavily from him.

After a couple of years with the Society, I realised that the trouble was that not only was equal prominence given to the merest 'Sunday Sport' type newspaper clipping as to, say, the endeavours of a scientist to make sense of our world (the second objective of the society, quoted by Thayer, was "To remove the halo from the head of Science"), but there was a bizarre acceptance of lunatic subjects – flat & hollow earths, etc. – as suitable objects of interest, and the anti-science feelings of Thayer and Co. caused them to print jokey little pieces in the club organ, DOUBT, about astronomers falling off their telescope mountings and the like.

So although I had a lot of sympathy with the central belief that a certain skepticism was a Good Thing, I found that this treatment wasn't to my taste. In an endeavour to thumb their noses at all orthodox science they went to the other extreme and accepted anything and everything.

This was many years ago and the Fortean Society may have changed, but THE SKEPTIC crowd seem to have a better approach and the only thing which is stopping me from subscribing is the cost. £12 for six bi-monthly issues of a 32-page magazine is a wee bit expensive to a pensioner, but if any one wants the address, it's THE SKEPTIC, PO Box 475, Manchester M60 2TH.

I'll lend anyone a zine as a sample.

Incidentally, the titles of Charles Fort's books are THE BOOK OF THE DAMNED, NEW LANDS, LO! and WILD TALENTS. The original publisher was Henry Holt & Co. of New York.

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THE WAY TO THE STARS

Mention of astrology above reminds me that when I was in a newsagents this Thursday, there was a man and wife discussing the new RADIO TIMES and TV TIMES, who are now going to print each other's TV programmes. The wife was getting in a state. "Well, it would be nice to get just one magazine instead of two" she twittered, "but I do like to see what the stars say in the TV TIMEs, so we'd better keep on having both of them".

I left the shop, wondering. Supposing I'd said "Madam, you'd do far better to put your spare 50p piece into that collecting tin on the counter for Romanian children." Would it have done any good? No – all one's upbringing is against it. But how it would have relieved my feelings. Maybe in another 10 or 15 years when I can be counted as an eccentric old man.....

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IS IT JUSTIFIED?

The Jan. '91 Amstrad magazine 8000 PLUS had an interesting piece:

"If you use your PCW ((or any other machine, presumably)) for writing, don't use justification for any manuscripts that will be read by editors, as the smooth ((means 'even')) right margins are more tiring to read than normal, ragged ones. Justification should be saved for such as business letters where presentation is more important."

This emphasises what I've always believed, if only subconciously. It's far easier to read unjustified text than otherwise – the eye gets some help when moving from one line to the next (and especially when the text is double-spaced) because you scan the whole length of a line as your eye moves downwards. This makes distinguishing the next line from the preceding one easier. If you're more interested in presentation than what you're writing then by all means use justification, but it's not something I go for.

This also brings up another aspect. What is the optimum length of line for a given size of type-face? And does it vary with the individual? I'm uneasily aware that in the interest of saving paper I make my lines in 'K' a bit too long for the type size, which is 'proportional spacing' (PS) – about 12 characters per inch – and is virtually the same as the usual typewriter 'elite' size. I would say that ideally the easiest length of line to read would be about 6" (150mm) long. But if one slips into a smaller face – 15 cpi. or 17 cpi. are two alternatives on this machine – it's asking for trouble to extend the line even to 6". I must admit that I've just done a page for Ken's ACGOO which if it's accepted you'll find is in 15cpi. and extends to 6¼", but this is well broken by illos. The answer to what might be termed the 'readability' of smaller type is two or more columns, a hard thing to do on the Amstrad at least without cutting and pasting.

I'll return to this subject later – there must be some technical stuff on it!

COMMENTS ON THE FEB. '91 MAILING

THE CAPTAIN'S TABLE – Ian Bambro – Dunno about it being too early for saying 'Happy Easter'. My local Tescos had Easter eggs in it the second week of January. Like the crack prior to 'size isn't everything', and must say I rather prefer an exposition of what's been done. Glad to see Eunice coming aboard – I've always admired a certain amount of courage she's shown in being a member of FAPA, which I've always been too faint-hearted to join.

Maximum membership? A lot depends on the ability of the Cap'n to do the necessary work single-handedly, a minor amount on the ability of members to reproduce enough copies, and also the psychological effect. If there is so much to comment on that one picks and chooses and some members are neglected, this is not a Good Thing. I would say that 25 individual members would be about right, remembering that not everyone has an entry in every mailing. You should also take note of the fact that if there is a waiting list started, you would no longer be in a position to allow existing members the latitude in payment of fees or activity requirements you now do out of the softness of your black heart.

COMMUNICADO – Ian Bambro – Yes, I know what you mean about great ideas that vanish. When I shared a flat with Ken Bulmer, at the beginning of his professional author's career that has now spanned nearly 40 years, he did use a technique I've seen advocated, hauling around a little notebook to dot down the passing thought. Seems to have worked, too.

That's a striking piece of eloquence on the Gulf war, and almost exactly echoes my own opinions, tho' far better expressed than I could do. Picking up points: yes, the amount and the latitude of reporting and the TV coverage has been breathtaking. A far cry from WWII, when at the outbreak of war the 20,000 owners of the new TV had the cartoon they were watching abruptly cut off in mid-picture – the rest of it was transmitted when TV resumed 6 years later.

The unsavoury mix of the middle-East – authoritarian regimes, religion, subjugation of women, etc. – has obviously been interfered with because of fears about oil, but if just one dictator with little regard for human life is expunged then I guess that action can be counted as a Good Thing, even if it means fighting side-by-side with undemocratic regimes.

But it's fascinating to listen to the man-in-the-street in Iraq, bombed and battered, saying how he sticks by his native land. Brings a new and revealing meaning to the word 'patriotism'.

I've also been intrigued by the use of the word 'debris' as used apropos Scud missiles. When a Patriot explodes near a Scud, it appears a matter of chance whether the warhead is hit or not – in fact, it seems that more often than not the Scud is damaged so that it dives in an even more random fashion than usual..and explodes. This is called 'debris'. Makes it seem cosier – just a bit of old rubbish falling, folks.

This was an excellent bit of summing-up, Ian; you're to be congratulated.

MARAUDER 2 – Ken Cheslin – That's a good bit of work, reprinting that piece of exotic (to us) names. Was it from the Troubled Children mentioned? Doesn't matter to me – I'll look for the book, having been a victim of school phobia myself.

I can add just a bit to the main article which was not included in the text, as you're not awfully likely to get Icelandic children in British schools. In Iceland, telephone directories are set out by first (given) names – it's a comparatively small and friendly place with few families. Almost every man bears his given name and the name of his father, as do the women. If 'Olaf' is his given name, then Olaf's son Erik would be Erik Olafsson. If he had a daughter, Thora, she would be Thora Olafsdottir, all through her life, no matter if she marries or not. So turning to Magnus Magnusson of Mastermind, his son would be *given name* Magnusson again but his daughter *given name* Magnusdottir (or possibly Magnussdottir – my Icelandic's vanished into the mists).

Incidentally, 27% of Iceland's national income goes into education, and all tuition is free. If only it was the same here.

I kept on nodding and nodding through most of your comments – no, no, not falling asleep but agreeing. RYCT Jenny on illos in fanzines, I prefer them, but although I did a few cartoons many years ago in my first incarnation as a fan the knack or whatever it is dwindled away. And economics rule these days – I get this horrible unartistic impulse to fill up every inch with text. I shudder when I see a dozen sheets of closely typed A4 calling itself a fanzine without a single illo. It looks, if you'll pardon the expression, Ian, like a legal brief.

K10 – self – Re. the 'Gone for a Burton' bit, I sent a 'K' to Terry Jeeves, and had the following from him:

I never really considered its origin but always had the vague thought that it referred to Burton's Fifty Shilling Tailors. Anyone who died got a cheap burial suit – and Burtons were cheap.

'Two-six' as you say was a general cry for assistance – our usual one was "Two-six on the tail" to call for help on raising the tail of a Liberator to shove an oil-drum under the tail protecting skid whilst on the deck – and there's another bit of slang.

I'd sent a 'K' to Terry, thinking that a guy who'd produced 112 ERGs might be a suitable candidate for PoE, but mere months after writing 'finis' to his 'zine the withdrawal symptoms are too great and he's planning ERG 113 – the 32nd. Annish.....

He also asks why I said "Get a jildi on" was specifically for Scots readers, and I must confess it was sheer ignorance – the only guy I ever met who used it a dozen times a day was a Scotsman, and I took it to be some obscure Highland dialect. Turns out it's one of the many borrowings from Arab climes, like 'dekko', 'char', etc. Silly me.

LOLLYGAGGING – Chuck Connor – Sympathise with your comments on the media. I solved this problem (and saved a few pence) by stopping buying all papers some years ago, and relying on the BBC, fully realising that a skeptical attitude was needed even here. I miss some of the atmosphere clothing the bare bones of facts, and occasionally I miss not hearing of a follow-up to an interesting story, but on the whole I don't regret saving all that money.

Your comments are an exhilarating rush, and tho' I appreciate that the double columns make for easier reading I wish you'd paragraph occasionally – that is like someone drawing breath and enables the listener/reader to organise some sort of reply of his own.

RYCT Tommy – 'comics are a state of mind'....Yes, some of my best friends are comics-readers (ho ho), and I've tried to understand the fascination without success. At one time I used to read the early MADs – those in early comic-book size – and there found a conjunction of pictures and words which was appealing, but just reading a story with illustrations (or vice versa) is not my scene. If I read "He saw a moldering corpse" my imagination can supply the details – I don't need a picture to help me, as if I were a 5-year old. Nor does "He had an enormous penis" need any amplification. The language used in captions is extremely simplistic too – seems to be intended for people who can't think without moving their lips. Trouble is, any explanation I can come up with always seems derogatory to the comics reader – lack of imagination, and the like. Which make me feel uncomfortable, as I don't like making blanket judgements – they're not universally true. As you say, a state of mind. Or even a quirk.

RYCT self....yes, that blank page in K9 haunts me too, but that was a result of just not having the time, weirdly enough, as was the blank page on K10, tho' that was partly due to distracting ulcers, now just about finished. They may not have been due to the eggs I mentioned, but I don't fancy turning myself into a test subject and eating more to see if the ulcers start again. They're O-U-T at 16WWW from hereon.

As for the price of the books reviewed, I didn't say that I'd bought them, just that it was what was being asked. Sorry if I misled you there.

Thanks for the potted history of APAs. I don't really like the APAs with barriers, either of sex or age (the latter hasn't happened in Britain as far as I know, but in the States there was eg. APA 45, for those born after 1945) but I can understand the reasons, especially in the case of TWP – we still live in a largely sexist society. And however open-minded one tries to be, there are still lines of demarcation – I have a number of copies of TWP in the Fanzine Library, but I can't bring myself to more than glance at them. They're available to female fans only, in accordance with the original aims of the APA.

Don't have any information on 'Shag' aside from the dictionary ones.

Scanning back through this very satisfying read – is there really an Icefish?

PRAISE THE LORD etc. – Sarah Cox – You're very lucky with Etty, even tho' she's Trouble. Have you read the sf stories by Wilmar H. Shiras – 'In Hiding' and the sequels (I think there were two)? Unlike most stories of gifted children, the 'Odd John's and the like, they're sensitive and written from the female viewpoint, even if parts grate on the irreligious ear, and bring out the isolation such a child must feel.

The piece on the Course was funny, the final tail piece on the cat hilarious. You have the ability to write humorously about your mishaps, (and the cats), and it's marvellous.

HARD TIMES 5 – Paul Cray – I can't write much on this. Pure envy turns everything green in front of me, and it's not just the Amstrad screen. I'm surprised that you should be thinking of anything except a job in astronomy after working in that discipline on your PhD. You must be pretty good at maths. too. I think you probably have to be dedicated to be a school teacher; it's not the material prospects but the job satisfaction. You lead an interesting life....oh, I'm emerald envious. Carry on, Paul.

DESPERATE TIMES – Ron Gemmell – Re. 'a madman's mind', I hope that the present conflict (now in its final stages) will give you youngsters (ha!) an idea of what is was like in 1939, confronting Hitler who had a bigger army/air force than we did. But, like Hitler, I doubt if Hussein would have got this far if he hadn't had some backing. OK, I know it's 'let's be nice to Iraqis in their hour of need' time, but ordinary human beings must pay more attention to the world in which they live. By the way, you know the old Van Vogt 'Weapon's Shop' motto – "The Right to bear Arms is the Right to be Free"? This is a cry much beloved of the more bone-headed citizens of the States. On the streets of Baghad there were plenty of citizens carrying arms. Did they believe that they were already 'free'?

That's interesting on the decline and fall of an APAfan, Ron – first one stops writing mailing comments, etc. I take it as a given fact that everyone wants to communicate, either just to talk/write to other people or to leap on the nearest soap-box. I would think that if you left an APA it would be because you had other outlets – perhaps in one's judgment more interesting outlets – in communication. Is this so?

FRAGMENTS – Mike Gould – The 'work section meal' must have been a horrible experience, tho' I'd think some of the fault lay with the organisers who hadn't reconnoitered the venue properly. Reminds me of the Con organiser who nearly had one in a teetotal hotel.

The story is not bad at all. I don't like the very first sentence – you have to carry the memory of it, as it were, for several hundred words before it slips into place, and the bit on the guy not being able to attend his wedding ("to disobey means disgrace, even death") is a bit much – the background needs to be filled in, harsh totalitarian regime and the like. A minor point – I think you should refer to the heroine as 'Letticia' when taking the omniscient viewpoint, just making 'Lettie' the more intimate form of address. Nice try, tho...could be expanded with the possibility of a sale.

Once again your DIY garden fence finds an echo here. Lucky I've got understanding neighbours.

Thanks for the whole page devoted to answering self on comics (shows what a little provocation can do!). Oh yes, I have a PB teaching oneself French in which there is a helpful series of pictures to accompany the text, and of course many other examples nudge one another aside in their rush to be mentioned, DIY stuff and the like. These are almost invariably aids to understanding the text. Are you saying that the pictures are there as an aid to understanding the captions?

I don't think you've answered the proposition that comics play down violence sustained by the hero (and thereby encourage it) too well – saying "those aimed at kids will always gloss over the violence" brings a subliminal vision of Tom 'n' Jerry. But you're right in the assertion that I have only the most fleeting acquaintance with modern comics. Just as I wouldn't physically linger outside certain pubs in certain districts at closing time, I'm happy to be mentally elsewhere from the comics world. (I'm not prejudiced – I'd say the same thing about model railway enthusiasts and gardening freaks.) I'm glad that you (and others, including one of my best fan friends) have come into my own shared world, and I hope you'll excuse me if I just raise an enquiring eyebrow occasionally. Nice zine, Mike, and glad you didn't succumb to the temptation of justified edges.

RETURN OF THE CULTURE VULTURE – Peter Fred-Thompson – Yes, unless you practise it, French and other languages learnt at school soon go. Come to think of it, most of the skills one learns at school soon go. Is this a common experience?

RYCT Ian – As other people will be telling you, I presume, it's possible to get a range of coloured ribbons on the Amstrad, tho' Ian's heading wasn't an example. RYCT self – nope, Flash Gordon was also American, and oddly enough he had more exposure; there were Flash Gordon children's serials in the cinema, but as far as I know no Buck Rogers.

Glad you've got the duplicator working OK. Your page one had some creases, but this is probably because you didn't pull the stencil taut when you put it on the machine, or didn't have enough ink wetting the screen before you applied the stencil. You never did say what mark Gestetner you had, or whether you still need an instruction book.

TRAVELS IN HYPERREALITY – Maureen Porter – Yes, the speed of war reporting is something else again. The news of Trafalgar and Nelson's death wasn't reported in THE TIMES until 16 days after it happened.

I feel very diffident at offering any advice on the psychiatric problems, tho' from what you say the professionals haven't helped all that much. I think an antidote for the depression might be something on the lines suggested by the person who advised you to 'take yoga classes and meet people'. You haven't realised emotionally that there are lots of people around who are far worse off than you; in fact, you're luckier than about 95% of people in the whole world – intelligent, non-handicapped, living in a country which with all its faults is better than most in the way its citizens can live. I would suggest that for a start you could do voluntary work at hospitals, help-the-aged, anything to make you admit to yourself that you are comparatively speaking well off. For a start you can contemplate the fact that you're 37 years younger than I am. What do you think I'd give for those 37 years?

Commments on comments on comments....Picking out a few, you ask Ken about the involvement of the BSFA in Conventions, which will soon have an answer in THEN 3 – I've already electro-stencilled the first section – but it was enormous. Re. the badge-making machine, I first came across it in the mid-'80s and may have been hasty in assuming that it was BSFA-owned. Someone's got one, haven't they?

Yes, I heard about the two youngsters wanting to run a 'first sf Con.' and it might have been Marphi (I didn't have the elaboration of it being Newcastle) but I would mention that Amanda Cable said she'd been at the World Con, so it must have been some time back. And that's a nice bit of spirit – "Keep on doing our thing and sod the rest of them".

Your comment to Jenny re. self-education parallels in a way my own experience, tho' I was lucky not to have the spectre of the bomb haunting my youth – just the later years of the Depression and WWII. I wasn't left in front of a TV set, as you mention earlier, but I did have what I suppose might be termed a stroke of luck. I was brought up in my grandfather's house, a rambling Victorian edifice, and way up on the top floor there was a mysterious room, always kept locked. This was naturally irresistable, so cheerfully disregarding memories of Bluebeard I stole the key to the room, and explored inside.

Disappointingly, it was what I've later learnt to think of as a junk room, with maybe-it-will-come-useful-some-day goods piled high, but what it did have was about five years issues of newspapers, hoarded by said grandfather. (You now know how the genes skipped a generation and flowered in me.) I spent many hours reading of eg. the Lindbergh kidnapping case and other cause celebres of the early '30s – and of course, the Depression. I wonder if the latter had anything to do with the fact that I've always abhorred Conservative politics? So you'll never find me criticising self-educated folk.

This was a marvellous fanzine, packed full of 'hooks'. And I liked the cover!

THE ARACHNO FILE Vol 5 – John Rickett – I hope that Spidey realises that if he has his foul way with Spidess he may find himself on her menu after that aperitif.

Your Swiss piece made me grin – how typically human to find all the items of merit you list boring. As I remarked to Maureen above, maybe you don't realise how lucky you are. I've never been able to reconcile myself to the notion that a peaceful existence means a boring one – after all, most of the great inventions, internal combustion engine, heavier-than-air flight, TV (!), vaccination, etc etc., even nuclear physics, have been started in peace time, even if the progress of some of them has been accelerated by war. Don't forget that the famous Orson Welles quote from The Third Man about all Switzerland had produced in x number of years had been the cuckoo clock was uttered by the villain!

Nice light touch with the tale, especially the ending about Humana.

So the mystery of 'jenny hanniver' revealed, and congratulations to Theo. It still causes some upheaval here. After reading that it was a sort of sailor's hoax I scoured the house for a magazine I once had with an article on that very subject, but couldn't find it. It's only been about 40 years since I bought it, too. Anyway, that was interesting, not at all boring, and still leaves further detail to be uncovered.

Give me a ring when you get back and I'll send the Neo Fans Guide, tho' alas it gets more historical every day.

Your production is beautiful.

THE STRUTHIAN PERSPECTIVE 9 – Theo Ross – That's a grim little fable. Trouble is, if you leave a tyrant to go on and on you now have no absolute guarantee that the mobs will rise up and destroy him, or, if they wanted to, that they'd be able to. And, tho' it's easy enough to say "So it all seemed rather a waste, somehow", what do you think we should have done with Hitler, or America should have done when the Japanese attacked Pearl Harbour?

Your explanation of 'Gone For A Burton' clearer, longer and better than mine, and as far as I'm concerned, quite correct.

That's a perfectly good explanation on the lack of post code in your address, too. And, by the way, has anyone experience yet of the Sunday morning collection from post offices? My local one is advertising it, but I haven't got around to trying it out.

Thinking about the Post Office, that's one more institution that I could grump about and say that it wasn't so good as in my young days. I remember getting back from work sometime in the early '50s, finding a note from Walt Willis in Belfast which needed a quick reply, scribbling one to catch the 7.30pm post. He got it the next morning and replied, I receiving it the following morning. Going further back, I've got a postcard from my father to my mother, around the time of WWI, which from internal evidence he expected her to get the same day.

Yes, yes, I know....the spread of the telephone made the quick letter a thing of the past, and now we're looking to Fax machines, a word which isn't in my '79 Dictionary. Ho hum.

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The back page has what I think is an interesting extract from the WEEKEND GUARDIAN. Interesting not so much because of the contents but because it hardly puts a foot wrong, except for some slight confusion over 'serzines' and 'sercons'. This is a really remarkable achievement.

No, I don't get the WEEKEND GUARDIAN – the cutting was sent to me by Steve Sneyd and also by Derek Pickles. Derek seems to be hovering around on the verge of a come-back to fandom....he split in '55 after being Bradford's leading fan for some years and the editor/publisher of one of the earliest post-war fanzines. If he does come back I think it'll be some sort of British record.